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Wednesday, November 23, 2011

You Don't HAVE to HAVE a Boyfriend

Dear Bro Jo,

Let's rewind time back months and months ago. I was just getting over my crush, and had high hopes for a new one. But mostly, I was just interested in expanding my circle of friends. What better place to do that than . . . a Stake Dance?????

I got asked to dance by this guy who was reeeeally cute. I knew his older brother......and I had seen him around....but neither me nor ANY of my friends had ever even talked to him.

Anywhooo . . . we started to dance and started talking and had the WEIRDEST conversation. About how gross fish is and all this weird stuff about it. I seriously love weird people, and am a bit of a weirdo, so I enjoyed myself. One thing that really got me though, is that he looked into my eyes the ENTIRE time. Well, needless to say, I knew right then and there who my next crush was going to be.

When I got home I thought to myself "well now I have got to find a way of getting to know him better." To my surprise (and GREAT pleasure) he added me as a friend on Facebook. I sent him a message asking him what the name of that song was that he was telling me about (our conversation while we danced went here there and everywhere). He answered and then our conversation carried along. Again it was a totally weird one. No "how's life?" type of talk for us...more like "how on earth would a cat manage to sneak onto a spaceship anyhow?"

Ever since then we NEVER stopped emailing.

There was just something about talking to him. He brought out my personality, and made me like MYSELF more. It felt great. HOWEVER since it was me who sent the first email asking about the song...that made me feel weird. I really hate it when a girl calls a guy on the phone, or texts first, or goes for a hug first, I ESPECIALLY dislike it when girls ask guys out on dates. HE was going to have to be the one chasing ME, I refuse to be a chaser. So yeah I waited a couple of day between replies for the next while, even though he always replied right away..

At the next stake dance he wasn't there. Until the end....I was dancing with this guy..the song ends and I hear my name being called...I turned around and there he was. He said he just got there because he had to be at a graduation. He hung out with me until he had to leave and then gave me a hug goodbye. Every time we saw each other after that he'd come up to me and we'd just goof around until one of us had to leave.

He would even save spots for me to come sit by him if he knew I was going to be somewhere.

NOW TO THE PROBLEMS....

OK well since I was always hanging out with him he got introduced to all my friends, who all loved him. He started getting invited to all my friends little get-togethers, and all my little get-togethers. And yeah he fit in really well. BUT one of my friends started liking him and told me and a bunch of other people. She's the really mean jealous type...and she treats me like dirt. She's not really my friend, she treats me like dirt, but she sees me as a friend, and puts on a nice act for (name withheld) (the name of the guy I like).

Well she's open and forward and asked him who he liked...he told her that he liked ME. (I found this out by another one of my friends she told..she didn't tell me). Well now I talk to him ... and she glares at me till I leave. Normally (name withheld) follows me though...so it's not much of a problem haha.

ANYWAY we're all sixteen now...and I know (name withheld) has been dating...but he won't ask me out! And I want him to SOOO bad.

(Name withheld) (my mean jealous friend) asked him on a date I think three times now!!!!

He said "no" to the first one...because it was a school dance and he knew school dances were gross.

And then our ward was going to have a priest/laurel date night...and even though he's not in our ward she called him and asked him to it the MOMENT she heard about it. So they will be going to that together.

AND she asked him to an LDS prom, and so they are going to that together too.

SO that's my story, sorry for its length...I am a talker when I get excited about things haha. WELL my three questions are...

How do I deal with (her) jealousness??

Why doesn't (he) ask me on dates ever?

(He goes on several with other girls! and I have been told from very reliable sources that he likes me A LOT!...so I don't know why he won't! I'm datable LOTS of guys ask me out...and LOTS of boys like me....I don't really get it)

How do I get (him) to ask me on a date??

Sincerely,

Girl who needs help

(ps I haven't told ANYBODY that I like him..)



Dear Girl,

First of all you need to learn how to deal with your own jealousy (if you can see past the beam).

Secondly, if you want to know why he goes out with everyone else and not you, you should ask him. It's really that simple. (But, and please don't take this wrong, despite your "datable-ness", he probably just doesn't like you in that way right now.)

Thirdly, and perhaps most importantly, you need to relax. A lot. A guy is nice to you and you immediately turn possessive-obsessive. The guy clearly doesn't want a girlfriend, and you keep acting like you own him. Honestly, if he asked, I'd have to tell him to be careful that dating you doesn't leave you with the wrong impression.

You're only 16 for crying out loud! Enjoy the crushes, but take the drama down a few hundred notches.

As far as your non-friend goes, sure it seems like she's winning the battle for this guy, but believe me, even though his 16-year old brain may find her pursuit attractive, deep down he also finds it pathetic. If he doesn't, I submit he's not as good of a guy as you think.

Breathe.

- Bro Jo



Dear Bro Jo,

Weird.....sorry that kind of is different from everything I have been hearing or feeling.

Ummm I probably sounded super duper obsessive in that email....so amen to you there. And I JUST found out about all these dates (she) is asking him on..so I was frantic. Aaaaand I wouldn't say jealous is the right word...more like annoyed....sooo taking your advice on the calming down thing is good.

Yeah I think I like him too much too.

See all my guy friends..none of them know I like him...but they hate him because he is too "possessive" of me (to put it in their words). Apparently he stands between me and them and just...doesn't. LET them talk to me. My mom sees it and she wants me to back away from him. If I NOTICED this I would have put a stop to it...and now that people have pointed it out to me with no sugar quoting (I was texting some of them today and it came up)

One thing I really AM concerned about though is how CLOSE he gets to me...and how when I scoot away...he scoots with me. That freaks me out I am not going to lie.

But as far as standards go he has the highest out of anybody I know. His whole family is like that, so it is nice to be around them.

Yeah well now that my friends have pointed this out to me I got to put a stop to the over possessive thing he's got going on....but I still think I might hint a little that he should take me out on a date sometime.


- Girl



Dear Girl,

So have the talk.

But you need to be dating other guys, too.

Mostly, please learn that your value has nothing to do with whether or not you're in a relationship.

Trust me. You don't HAVE to HAVE a boyfriend.

Yeah, I know the Boyfriend-Girlfriend thing happens at your age. Believe me, I get it. I'm not THAT old!

But, take it from an Old Guy, High School Relationships are never worth the drama. And you, Little Sister, could stand to have a little less drama in your life.


- Bro Jo

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just barely turned 18. Just giving the advice to another young person because sometimes it's easier to listen to someone around your age. (At least it is that way for me)
Don't get into a relationship during high school. No matter how much you like him. I did it, it's not worth it. You'll just miss out on so much more and a lot of learning and experience from other dating.

Dave Johnston said...

Thanks for the catch, Anon.

- Bro Jo

Megan said...

I was kind of going through the same thing. there is this girl who is extremely friendly and seems to need to be the center of attention all the time and when she sees an attractive guy she will pounce on him and flirt with him outragiously. I mean you can be on the other side of the room and hear and see her. From my standpoint, she comes off as extremely desperate. Poor thing doesn't even realize it and everyone can see it. It was just ironic because most of the guys that she has gained a crush on have been guys that I have sincerely liked and wanted to ask me out and have gotten to know fairly well. I know that they don't like women like that. So I can see what this girl is going through. In high school, I could tell the guys swarmed around girls like that. But as people mature and they realize (hopefully) the type of personalities that they like most.