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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

"I'm having trouble with this boy I REALLY like . . ."

Dear Bro Jo,

I have stumbled upon your page and thought that it couldn't hurt to get a little advice on a situation I'm having with a boy I REALLY like...

Me and this boy have several classes together in school, in which we're always talking to one another and just majorly flirting. He always sends off these signals that he likes me, but he won't SAY it.. He definitely shows it, just won't tell me himself. Whenever we see each-other we always hug and just talk in-between classes and during lunch. I've really wanted to ask him on a date, but I feel like guys should ask girls on dates unless it's a girl's choice date/dance thing.

We're both 16 and Juniors in high school. I'm always asking him about how his day went and whether it was good or bad, and we're really trusting with each other.

Does this feel like more of a "Best Friend" kinda relationship or a "potential couple" relationship....?

And how do I get him to tell me he likes me? Should I tell him that I like him or just wait for him to tell me personally? I've already fallen for this guy, but I really need to know if I should continue liking him and fall for him even more, or just kinda let things die down and let him try to build things back up (if he even likes me)??

Sincerely,

Confused Love



Dear Confused,

(I'm smiling a little because I've gotten several "Confused" letters today - must be the time of year . . .)

Of course he likes you! And if you want him to take you on a date all you probably have to do is say "so, when are you going to finally ask me out on a date?"

Now, this may not surprise you, but I'd be much happier if you said "so, when are you going to finally ask me out on a Casual Group Date?" I think the two of you are too touchy-feely for your age and I think you should back off on the "relationship" pressure. Just because he likes you, and you him, that does not mean that things need to get serious or official.

Keep it simple. Date lots of different guys. Save yourself the drama, temptation, headaches and heartaches that come with teen "relationships".

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Rob Neu said...

I would offer one more piece of advice. The whole notion of "do they like me?", "who likes who", "I like them", etc. just gets in the way at your age. Until you're both 19ish/21ish (girls/guys), I've found that it is much easier not to try to figure out if someone likes you, if you like them, if your friends like your other friends, and on and on. It can get emotionally confusing for everyone, feeling are easily hurt, and honestly it doesn't actually matter when you're casual group dating.

There are a few questions that should matter before you take someone out/before someone takes you out on a casual group date like "are standards going to be kept?". "Do they like me? and do I like them?" I don't think matter. I would even say that it doesn't matter if you're particularly "attracted" to them.

There is a place for all that emotion in dating, later on when you're actually looking to get married, and start single dating instead of group dating. If you wrote that exact letter in 3-4 years, as Bro Jo would say, "We'd be having a different conversation."

I like to think of relationships and dating as thinking with your head and thinking with your heart. When you're in your teens, you should be thinking almost entirely with your head; you're heart shouldn't really get involved. When you're looking to start seriously dating, let your heart do a little more thinking, but keep your head to make sure you don't get lost. After you get married, I'd say trust your heart more. (Note: I'm not married, so Bro Jo and others will hopefully be able to articulate that better.)