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Friday, April 20, 2012

Is This Relationship Ready to Move to the Next Level? - Part 1

Hello Bro Jo,

You've answered a few questions I've had in the past. Thanks for your responses each time! You give great advice. I'm now at BYU-I (my second semester up here) after transferring. Anyway, I just bought your book Bro Jo's Guide to Relationships For LDS Young Single Adults today, and finished reading it about an hour ago. I have a quick question (which I had before but now I'm really wondering).

I met a guy (who my roommate insisted was perfect for me for weeks before I met him) and we went on a couple dates and he came over and saw a few movies with my roommates and myself at my apartment, we did hold hands a few times. This was during finals week last semester, we talked a couple times over Winter break, then he asked me to go bowling with him the first Thursday we got back. We had fun, but he already had a lot of homework and had to get home before 9 (he did take me out to eat first, and we played a couple rounds of bowling). We've talked a few times online since then, and seen each other when I went out to eat with my roommates (and his roommate and he happened to be there at the same time), we danced a little bit at Latin Dance night, and then I saw him at Cultural Associations night. Other than that he's always busy with homework so I haven't seen him except when his roommate gets him out of the house and we happen to see each other.

My roommate and his roommate both think I should talk to him about our relationship, but I'm not so sure. In the book you said I was still just on step 5, not quite ready to declare whether we are in a relationship or not. I don't feel like dating anyone else, but he doesn't seem to like me as much as I like him, even though his roommate seems to think different. I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to text him first, I want him to text me but he's always busy. So I guess what I'm wondering is what I should do next? Or should I do anything at all?

- Sincerely Confused

Dear Confused,

I don't know that I agree that you're quite at the DTR (Determine The Relationship) talk stage . . .

You've dated off and on for what sounds like a couple months, but at this stage there doesn't seem like you're both "Falling in Love" (Level 6); without that you can't really skip to Level 7 (where you have the talk and agree that you're mutually exclusive). Having the talk before you've both fallen in love is premature. Even though you may not feel like it, I think you need to still be dating lots of different guys and encouraging lots of different guys to ask you out.

Now, I'm also a big believer in using the roommates to further your relationships and relationship prospects; I think that's why God gives us roommates! (That and to teach us how to live with other people who are not our parents and siblings.) So I think you should tell your roommate, and she can tell his (or you can tell his) that since this guy hasn't made any move towards making things exclusive you're going to be dating other people. Drop the hint that you like him and you really hope he'll keep asking you out, and that you may be open to the idea of an exclusive relationship . . . but Guy-Too-Shy is going to have to put forth a little more effort.

That's a win-win situation for you. Either he clues in and does what he needs to do to keep you from finding someone else, or you find someone else.

Get it?

Good luck, and let me know how it goes, would you?

And thank you for the kind words and for picking up a copy of "Bro Jo's Guide to Relationships"; I'm hope it was helpful and that you enjoyed it.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks Bro Jo!

That really cleared up some confusion I had, I'll talk to my roommate about telling his roommate that, then see about getting more dates with other guys. I was positive I wasn't quite ready to discuss an actual relationship yet with him, so I'm glad you agree, since everyone else seems to disagree. I'll let you know how things go!

No Longer So Confused

Dear No Longer,

Any time.

- Bro Jo

[Readers - Stay tuned!  Part 2 will appear next week.]

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