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Monday, April 2, 2012

It's Okay NOT to Kiss

Dear Bro Jo,

I've been reading your blog, and I read in one of your entries that you think that you should be kissed at least once or twice while being a teenager. What would you say to a teen who thinks kissing is gross (like me)?

I think kissing is gross because:
a) I'm a germaphobe and germs can easily be exchanged through kissing
b) kissing requires some commitment in the end
c) I had a bad experience with my first kiss because the guy I kissed was trying to French kiss me
d) I'm not really a cuddly person and I HATE it when people even try to hug me, including my family.

Why do you think teens should kiss?

Sorry for the weird questions.

--Girl who hates the idea of kissing---

P.S: The reason for me asking this is because a lot of guys won't ask me out on dates because they know I am anti-lip action.

Dear Anti-kisser,

I’d say that you’re not ready, and that’s okay. Perhaps you’ll change your mind when you either get older or meet the right person (like someone who doesn’t think “kissing” has to mean licking your tonsils).

Maybe it will be best that you marry someone who feels as you do; who doesn’t associate kissing and  cuddling with love, and doesn’t need those things in their life . . . but that's a long way off still.

For now I don’t think you should worry about it too much.

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

Oh my goodness! This was so helpful for me! I am feeling so pressured to kiss someone because I am the only one with virgin lips in my friend group! And currently kissing grosses me out! Why would I want someone elses dna in my mouth right now? Plus I agree kissing does require comitment and at this age We don't need that. Thanks so much for posting this!

Anonymous said...

Haha oh my goodness! I can so relate ^^^^. Thanks for this!! :)

Anonymous said...

Ok, Bro Jo, what what us "older gals" (20 here!) who don't kiss for another reason: I haven't kissed anyone because I want to save that for the person I get engaged to. I'm sure I'll go through at least one or two guys that I'll hold hands and cuddle with before he pops the question, but I just feel like kisses aren't something you should hand out like the candy. I know not everyone agrees with that, but that's my take on the whole kissing issue.

Dave Johnston said...

I'm one of the people who doesn't agree with that.

There's a huge gulf between "handing out kisses like candy" and "not kissing anyone you're not formally engaged to first".

Ponder this: if a guy wrote me a letter saying "Bro Jo, I love this girl and I'm thinking about marrying her, but she refuses to kiss me until after I propose, what should I do?" I'd tell him to get out and run away from her as fast as he can.


Because 1) she's too uptight, and 2) it sounds like she's manipulative and selfish.

Heck, if I was a Single Guy over 21 I wouldn't keep dating a girl that I hadn't kissed by the fourth date. Seriously.

I'm not saying that you should play tonsil hockey with every boy you date, but the notion that the only guy you ever kiss is the one that will be your husband is . . . (this is said with love) naive, ill-advised, and a little dangerous.

You shouldn't do anything that makes you uncomfortable or calls your Temple Worthiness into question, but kissing is just kissing.

I think you need to re-evaluate your policy and consider that it may just be your excuse for why you're still a member of the VLC at way too old an age.

As I've said, "cuddling" is a Way Bigger Danger than a good-night smooch.

Much Bigger.

Trust me; as the father of 7 kids I can tell you from experience that cuddling is much closer to procreation than kissing is.

- Bro Jo

Anonymous said...

I agree about the cuddling. But do you have to kiss a guy you're in a relationship with in order for him to know that you're interested? I mean, like you've said guys are simple creatures, but their heads aren't totally empty. Couldn't clear communication be a good substitute for kissing for those of us who belong to the VLC?

Dave Johnston said...

Clear communication is always a good idea.

But my advice to the guys out there still stands: unless you feel the same as she does about waiting for kissing, I wouldn't propose to a girl I hadn't kissed.

- Bro Jo