Is 19 Too Young for Her to Get Married?

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm 19 and I'm in a relationship with someone incredible.

We've been dating about a year now, since I met him at the university we're attending.

Our relationship is heading quickly towards an engagement. I know this is the person I want to marry and spend eternity with.

The only problem is that everyone (and by everyone, I mean my parents, Church leaders, elders, etc.) keep telling me that 19 is too young to get married; To wait until I'm 21, 22...

Some have gone as far as to say that it's a lot more likely that my marriage will end up in divorce or separation if I get married so young. They've even supported themselves with legit scientific studies and statistics.

I'm really at a cross roads, because I know this is the person I want to marry. But I don't want to wait a year or two. I feel like that's just reckless, because Satan is only trying to keep us from a temple marriage, and it gets harder every day that we spend together and get closer to each other to behave appropriately. Not that we've done anything we shouldn't, but you know- the passion and temptation is definitely there.

Anyway, my point is- is it really that detrimental to my future to get married at 19?

Is it really that big a deal?

I want to do things the right way and I really don't see how a couple years is going to change the nature of our relationship, except to give us more room for error.

Sincerely,

Too Young?




Dear Old Enough,

You don't mention where you're from, or if there are some cultural reasons people are telling you to wait, but in general I say no, 19 is not "too young" for a young woman to marry.

I consider maturity and commitment more important than age.

Now, perhaps that's what the people who love you are trying to tell you, in an albeit too indirect way: that you're too immature to marry. I don't know you, so I have no idea, but a mature woman would certainly give prayerful ponderance to something so many people who do know her are saying.

You may need to just come out and ask these people what's wrong with this guy; if they're seeing something you don't, you better find out soon. (I hope they love you enough to tell you the truth, even if you don't want to hear it.)

As for the statistics . . . I tend to agree with Mark Twain’s sentiment.

I believe in long courtships and short engagements.

A couple should date long enough to know each other well, ask each other the big questions (see "Bro Jo's List of Stuff You Need to Know Before You Get Engaged"), and feel confident that you've looked for any serious danger signs (see "Bro Jo's Five A's of Why Not to Marry THAT Person" in "Bro Jo's Guide to Relationships").

But you're totally correct; once a couple decides to get married, I say pull the trigger fast before the Temple is no longer an option. You will both definitely change over the next couple years, nothing you can do about that.

 Change is constant. But I agree, if you're truly informed and ready to marry now, 19 is not too young.

 - Bro Jo