Dear Bro Jo,
So hey Bro Jo . . .I’m 18 and have never really been on a date yet (which is not really important) and I really like this guy from my ward.
He’s an RM which I wrote to while on his mission even though at that point I never met him before, but I did it because his family moved into the ward and stake and I figured that because he was new I’d make friends with him before he came back so at least he would feel more at home.
We usually go FHE and other YSA events together normally just us two and while doing that I really developed feelings for him because:
1. I felt the spirit really strongly and when I really talked to him for the first time we were alone, which I’ve never really felt when talking to a guy about general things.
2. Whenever I tell myself that i should just give up and move on it never happens even how hard I try.
3. He makes me want to become a better person and I’ve realized I’ve matured somewhat because of how he’s made me look at things in a different light.
For example before him I would always like guys who are “hot” which was really shallow and immature of me but with him I don’t really care what he really looks like because his personality what’s really the reason I like him so much.
The question I have for you is should I ask him on a date?
My friends think he likes me too but I’m not sure because I sometimes think he likes my friend which everyone denies... but on the other hand, as I have said my friends say he likes me and I have sometimes caught him taking cheeky glances at me but I have no idea what’s going on...
Anyway back to the point: should I ask him on a date because I know that he can be shy too and also the worst scenario is if I don’t ask him out he might go with another girl...?
Please help
- Confused British Girl
Dear Briton,
No. You shouldn't ask him out; you need to get him to ask you.
It’s simple, really.
You just say "hey, are you ever going to ask me out on a date?"
That's it.
And if he doesn't ask you, stop wasting your time with him and move on.
-Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Okay thank you Bro Jo!
May I ask why it is important not to ask a boy out.. is it maybe it's not very lady like?
- Briton
Dear Briton,
It may not be "fair" or "right", but when a girl asks a guy out he immediately labels her as either desperate or aggressive or easy. (That's why some guys like to be asked out, by the way.)
For Good Guys being asked out is a huge turn-off; except for a traditional girl-ask-guy event (and even then its better if the girl asks a guy that has already taken her out), otherwise it’s always bad for a girl to do the asking.
Good Guys need to operate under the illusion that we're in-charge.
Sad game playing?
Perhaps, but it’s true.
-Bro Jo
Dear Bro Jo,
Hey Bro Jo thanks for the advice and I haven't asked him out, but I did tell him I liked him which lead to him rejecting me and now he doesn't really talk to me.. but life goes on and i'll get over it
- Briton,
Dear Briton,
First of all, I'm sorry it didn't work out the way you were hoping, but telling him you like him is not what I suggested you do, . . .
But at least now you know where you stand and can move on. And that's a Good Thing!
Secondly, he reacted negatively to what you said, but you still have value. He's just not smart enough to see it. Don't think of it as him rejecting you, think of it as him not realizing the great opportunity he missed!
Third, as you said earlier, look at how this experience has helped you to grow and improve as a person! Good for you!
You'll be fine. Hang in there, and don't be afraid to try again!
-Bro Jo
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