Dreaming About Sex

Dear Bro Jo,

So I have been having a problem for a long time which is my challenge is being sexually charged..

Now I’m a female and I can tell you I haven’t had sex but I have made out etc.

I haven’t had a boyfriend for 5 years now which is okay with me as I want to serve my mission next year but the problem is, I get sexually frustrated.

I noticed this when I started to have sex dreams and it really irritates me as I always want to be my best in the Lord’s eyes but I just cannot help it.

I don’t know what to do and it has made me feel so insecure about myself because of this issue because I feel like Heavenly Father may feel like he doesn't want me to date because of it.

Help please.

- Frustrated Girl




Dear Frustrated,

I don't believe that we're held accountable for the content of our dreams.

Further, dreams about sex are very natural. Happens all the time to everyone.

If you're worried about what you're thinking when you're awake, I believe one of the best tools for helping to keep one's thought pure is to sing a hymn. Out loud if you need to. Or whistle.

I doubt very much that Heavenly Father is telling you not to date.

Please understand, random thoughts about sex, dreams, being attracted to the opposite sex . . . those are all Good Things!

What we need to guard against is “entertaining inappropriate thoughts” . . . does that make sense?

It’s like I tell guys all the time: it’s one thing to notice a sexy girl as she walks by, it’s another thing to stare, and still another to go looking for pictures like that on the internet.

If you’re worried, but still want to keep dating, make your dates Casual Group Ones. 

That’s standard pre-mission protocol, as far as I’m concerned. Further, I do think it’s right to stop dating Once Your Mission Call has been received (I mean, at that point what’s the point?)

But don’t be down on yourself dreaming about sex.

Fantasizing we can control; and should.  That's one thing.

Dreams are natural and on their own. That's another.

Besides, I think many of us (especially Latter-day Saints) read Way Too Much into dreams to begin with.

Don't act out your frustrations.  You can with your spouse when you're married (so long as they consent, of course), but for now find ways to help you focus during your waking hours on things that are less . . . frustrating.

- Bro Jo

PS: If it means anything, I bet there’s a lot of guys who will read this that will be 1. Surprised that girls dream about sex, too; and 2. Glad that it’s not just them.