16 . . . Undated . . . and Un-noticed

Dear Bro Jo,

I am 16, have been for 9 months now and nobody seems to want to date me.

I do everything to try to dress nice and modest and impress boys and it seems like no one notices me.

Boys in my stake instead want to date my 14 year old cousin and then they ignore me.

I mean, we're supposed to date right?

It’s in the strength of youth pamphlet which tells us that at 16 to group date and were supposed to follow what it says in the For the Strength of Youth.

I just don't know why boys won’t ask me so I can experience it myself.

I know the boys in my ward go on dates with other girls from other wards because I'm friends with them on Facebook.

My Young Women's leader told me they are just intimidated by my beauty, but I'm just beginning to think that I'm not attractive. (Note that I'm one of the only two 16 year olds in my ward and am definitely not shy) and I do try to talk to boys but every time I do, like even if I ask them a simple question, they look at me like I'm bothering them, so I just stopped.

And sometimes this one guy acts like he likes me one week and then the next week acts like he could care less when I talk to him.

So please help me find an answer to my problem!

I really want to go on a date so bad I'm getting desperate!

Sincerely,

Desperate




Dear Don't Be,

Breathe.

And relax.

I agree: every 16-year old girl deserves chances to date, and believe me, I'm working on getting the guys your age to realize that.

But if it doesn't happen, try not to worry too much.

Failure of the guys in your area to ask you on dates is neither a commentary on your Value nor your Beauty. 

Sure, we can all do a little better with what we've been given, but every girl is beautiful.

And let me tell you this: some of the best, smartest, funniest, prettiest girls I've ever know date very little if at all in High School.

Including Sister Jo.  (A fact that to this day stuns me, but boy am I grateful for the stupidity of the boys she grew up with! Worked out great for me!)

Now, I realize that may not bring you too much comfort, so you may want to check out some of the notes on the Facebook page, like:

Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a BOY'S ATTENTION"  and Bro Jo's "HOW a GIRL CAN GET a GUY to ASK HER on a DATE"  there's more in "Bro Jo's Guide to Casual Group Dating", but you get the idea.

Lastly, remember that to Good Guys, desperation is a turn off.

Worry less about getting a date, and instead focus on being fun and friendly.

After all, at this age it's not about getting a guy to like you, but about learning how to socialize with people and about what qualities are important to you in a future spouse.


- Bro Jo