Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at dearbrojo@gmail.com.

Friday, August 16, 2013

Should She Go to the Ex-Boyfriend's Farewell?

Dear Bro Jo,

So, I was dating this guy, we were not exclusive but only because we didn't want to call it that. I mean we did date other people, but it was obviously just as friends.

We both had friends we would do a lot with.

As it started getting closer to his mission we started setting more and more boundaries. For example: we wouldn't kiss, then we even timed our get-togethers and always made sure we were with other people.  It even got to the point where we would time our phone conversations.

It was getting hard to even do things anymore and eventually he sent me an email explaining that he felt we needed to not see each other anymore. That he loved me, but he felt heavenly father wanted us to cut it off. I respect him, and I agreed.

I still do.

I don't want to make things hard for him in any way and he said that what we were doing was making him feel.... unworthy.

Not because of our actions, we were very careful, but that even being around me influenced his thoughts.

I let it happen; the creation of distance I mean.

We never talk anymore.

But he invited me to his farewell next month and I don't know how I can go.

I still really believe I love him.

I miss talking to him so bad and just being around him.

I really think he is totally over it, it didn't even seem hard for him.

He expressed how he was just afraid that he would start thinking about marriage and be distracted. 

Basically, I am asking how can I get over him when it has been 4 months since we have talked other than him texting me his farewell time?

Am I normal for longing to just call and hear his voice?

And how can I make it through his farewell?

I do want to support him....

Sincerely,

- In dread and confusion




Dear In Dread,

What a great opportunity for you to show some maturity and growth!

The "farewell" Sacrament meeting is all of 75 minutes.

You go.

Listen politely, feel the Spirit, and try to learn a few things.

Be grateful that he is focused on what's important at this stage in his life, and try to understand.

How you feel is normal.

Time will make this easier to handle.  I think it's good that you two called things off, at least for now.  I know his Mission Companions will be grateful that he's not pining for a girl back home.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Brook said...

I think they did a good job in handling this situation. I'm proud of her for not trying to be "The Missionary's Girlfriend" and I'm proud of him for not trying to put her in that position. I wish more people were like this.