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Monday, December 30, 2013

Drama at BYU-Idaho . . . Not Just for Girls

Dear Bro Jo,

I am back asking for help as freshman in college this time I am up at BYU-I and I have made a couple great friends that are certainly introducing me to new and different customs

Well . . . I have these two friends . . . from other states, and their each freshman guys, like me, and we're all fairly athletic and musical so we have a great time together.

Until last week when they both decided to "grow up" and get girlfriends.

Now both of their girlfriends are fun but being the only one without a girlfriend and I won't get a girlfriend since I haven't served a mission yet I always feel weird when we go to the fields or hang out at our apartment lounge.

What my question is how can I make it so I can still enjoy their company at times without feeling like the odd man out and maybe could you explain why they want to get girlfriends now especially since because of President Monson's announcement we're all either working on our papers now or already submitted them.

I get I grew up in Utah where I was probably pretty sheltered . . . but I thought YM were taught the same stuff no matter where we hail from?

I have another friend from Wyoming and he's as equally baffled as me at their behavior.

Thanks,

- Preparing Missionary in Rexburg




Dear Preparing,

I think you're right not to be Serious Single Dating until after you come home from your mission, but I also think it's okay for you to be dating casually.

Maybe that's one way for you to all spend some time together and not have you feel like a fifth wheel.

Of course, if they don't mind if you're all together, then you shouldn't let it bother you too much, either.

But I think how you're feeling is very real.

So once in awhile, if everyone's heading to a movie or game or event, take a date!

Also, consider expanding your group.

If you're all headed to the ball fields, then invite a bunch of people to go, guys and girls.

Widen your circle of friends.

Consider it "mission prep"!

Look, I don't think your buddies should have girlfriends, but I understand why they do: it's easier.

Or at least they think it is.

They get validation.

They get companionship.

And they think it's better than the alternative.

They're wrong of course, but there's nothing you or I can do or say to convince them of that.

No one likes unsolicited advice. Trust the advice guy!

The best we can do is learn from the mistakes of others while not holding it against them.

Live and learn!

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks for the advice but to clarify one thing and ask for a little more advice I did do two dates with them as a group dates but that makes me and my date feel awkward cause the couples are snuggling, kissing or whatnot and it’s a first date.

So what should be done to make the best of those situations?

Because on the first date you don't do the same things as couples cause they'd be rushing things . . .

Wouldn't it?

- Preparing




Dear Preparing,

Yes, they're rushing things (doing them out of order, really) and you don't want to do that.

So you might be left with cutting yourself out of the group for now.

Focus on your mission prep, and if you feel so inclined, go on Casual Group Dates with other people instead of these two couples.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

One thing to keep in mind is that there is nothing in their behavior that doesn't match with the gospel. You use the word YM to describe yourself, and perhaps you are, but almost all college students are no longer in the youth program.

I think Bro. Jo's advice to not couple off before a mission, and to avoid single dating during the same time is good advice. I think it's an excellent way to apply the principles. I think you'll be better off for applying the principles the way Bro. Jo suggests.

But you say that you thought all YM were taught the same things, implying that they are violating some gospel principle, and they aren't. So I agree with Bro. Jo that you should hang out with them as much as you want and feel comfortable, and not try to tell them how to apply gospel principles in their lives.