Dear Bro Jo . . . : Teen-age Long Distance "Relationship"

Things to know

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Friday, January 3, 2014

Teen-age Long Distance "Relationship"

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey there!

I have liked this guy since 8th grade and now I am in 11th grade. I went through some guys and he went through some girls as well. Now we are both available and have been talking a lot.

There is only one problem, he moved to Utah about two years ago, and I live in Washington.

He does not want to call what we have a “relationship" but because of what we have done (cuddling, holding hands, kissing, nothing sketchy) I feel like we are in one.

Basically I don’t know what is okay and what's not. Is he out kissing other girls?

Is it bad that I feel so attached to him that I don't want to do anything with any other guy?

We have agreed that we can and should go on dates with other people, but I do not really have the desire too.

- In a Relationship?

Dear Ina,

I agree that you're in some kind of "relationship" . . . or, at least, I can understand why you feel like you are . . . AND why he doesn't want to say that you are (it all kind of speaks to the differences between guys and girls, and maybe an understanding that he has and you don't about distances and how a guy can get a girl to kiss him).

The problem, little sister, isn't that he moved.

The problem is that you want to be in a relationship and you're only a junior in high school. Believe me, I understand the appeal. But the truth is that teen-aged relationships are not worth the drama, headaches and heartaches.

Plus, as you've felt, they limit the "Casual Group Dating" that you're supposed to be doing. Now is the time for you to have fun, get to know other people . . . be social . . . practice dating with no pressure and expectations . . .

How you Feel isn't bad, just your desire to Act on those feelings.

As for him kissing other girls . . . I don't know if he is . . . he may not be, but I wouldn't be surprised if he is . . . and neither should you be.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

I had a feeling you would say something along those lines. Thanks for taking the time to respond and for the advice!

- In-a

Dear In-a,

That's why I'm here!

Best,

- Bro Jo

No comments:

Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

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Disclaimer

*This website is not affiliated with the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints, nor does it's author claim to write on behalf of the LDS Church.

for more information on The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints go to: http://www.mormon.org/

"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Friday, January 3, 2014

Teen-age Long Distance "Relationship"

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