Should She Marry Him?

Bro Jo...

I will try to keep this shorter. I've been dating this guy for weeks who is working on reactivating in the Church... I met him after he started coming back.

Anyway... Long story short, my will power was weak, and now I am no longer a virgin.

(There are good reasons they say to avoid being alone in the dark, kids. Don't make the same mistake I did.)

He proposed right after, but I didn't know what to say.

I know how stupid I was and that I knew better, and I am sorry.

I know I will probably just have to pray about it, but my questions are these:

1. Should I marry him? I don't want to get married just because I was an idiot. I worry that it would end in divorce. 

2. If/when we talk to the bishop, will he keep it to himself? I think it would probably be best to go to him and ask for advice, but I don't know that I could handle his disappointment right now. And I really couldn't handle others finding out. 

3. Can you please give me some comfort and kind guidance? I'm already pro at making myself feel awful for mistakes. 

- Name Withheld




Dear NW,

As I posted on the Facebook page a few days ago, "sex" is not enough of a reason to marry.

Neither is regret.

(Or Love, for that matter, but we can discuss that topic later.)

1. If you love him, and (I think, more importantly) if you want to begin to start a family, and Eternal Family, together, then that's the reason to get married. 

You're right; simply marrying because you did something dumb does not for a great marriage make.

Now, if you're pregnant then you both need to give serious thought as to whether or not that means that you've already started your family.

(And, as an "abortion survivor"- Bro Jo was adopted at birth - I beg of you, if you are pregnant, please do your best to carry the baby to term.)

2. You need to talk to the Bishop right away. I'm hoping you get this in time to talk to him this Sunday. 

Whether or not he keeps it to himself (or feels disappointed) is not what's important (though I'm sure he will); what's important is that you do what's necessary to get yourself back to being Temple Worthy.

For the record, he's not supposed to tell anyone unless he needs to confer with higher priesthood authority or convene a disciplinary council. Neither of those is likely in your case, plus if they are, he'll tell you beforehand.

3. It's the Spirit that is the Comforter as he helps you feel the love and forgiveness of the Savior. What you need to do, in my opinion, is become a pro at feeling the Love of Christ in your life. 

And yes, that means in this instance talking to your Bishop.


All will be well.

But, and I can't emphasize this enough, you and this boy need to not be alone together in any situation or setting where this can happen again until you do get married, if you do.

Remember, a big part of true repentance is learning from our mistakes and not repeating them.

And one last thing for the "kids" to know, never NEVER have sex thinking it will lead to a marriage proposal; not only does it almost never happen, some people will try to convince you to do that which you shouldn't with words of "love" and empty promises of marriage.

- Bro Jo