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Monday, January 20, 2014

Getting a Second Date

Dear Bro Jo,

So... I emailed you a while ago about the situation about me and the guy who was supposedly my cousin?


The one about me and him becoming really close to the point that we kissed and then deciding to stop pursuing things...

So we stopped texting one another and talking to one another for a good three months or so.

He started seriously dating this other girl but whilst doing so, from time to time he would PM and text me to see if I was still alive and try to flirt with me.

No "adulterous" stuff though.

Feelings were still there, but gradually dying down for me and I thought for him as well since he was with another girl.

But then just last month his best friend tells my best friend (because their brothers and sisters) that 'Mr X' wanted to seriously date me now and that he'd broken up with the other girl.

I was confused about it and after hearing that he'd wanted to officially date me feelings arose again for him.

For a good month I waited out for him to ask me out but it never came.

So after much convincing from my best friend she told me to ask him out on a date.

So I proceeded to ask him out on a date, but as I was about to he kind of figured out where I was going with my casual attempt and stopped me and he made the initiative to ask me out instead.

Which worked out great!

So anyways, this was just two weeks ago and we went on our date. A great date at that.

He even took me to his favorite spot (a spot where he apparently hasn't taken anyone else).

I personally thought it was a good date.

Was a bit awkward because we had really repressed all feelings for one another and so we abstained from talking about our previous antics.

Overall I felt the date went well, and he expressed likewise.

We texted after the date was over and after that I got the feeling he was brushing me off because our text conversations were just not going anywhere.

I haven't heard from him all week and my hope for being asked for a second date is slowly dwindling down.

I've replayed the date over and over and I know that I did anything wrong.

My best friend told me that he still likes me and that she's caught him plenty of times looking at me at a fireside we just had last week.

I am really confused with things because I'd thought that since we were going to date, things would be better off now because we were going about things in the right manner.

But it hasn't been so... I really feel like he's brushing me off.

What do you think?

Am I over thinking things?

And how long does a girl have to wait to be asked on a second date?


- Confused.

Dear Confused,

I remember.

[Readers, I remember the letter, and I remember we had a big discussion about it on the Facebook page, but couldn't find the post about Dating Cousins . . . can you find it?]

Don't talk to me . . .  talk to him!

If it's been a couple weeks, then go up to him and say: "so I thought things went pretty well . . . was I wrong?"

Ask HIM how long HE thinks a girl should wait around to be asked on a second date.

And then you'll know.

But understand this: just because a spark is there for you, that doesn't mean it's there for the other person. 

It's good to find out and then move on if needed.

First dates need to be no-pressure, no expectation, get to know you events.  When they're not, they don't happen as often as they should.

And, boy, am I glad you didn't do the asking this time. (I'm not happy you did the initial asking, and frankly I think that might be part of your problem.)

Not only does this guy need some encouragement, he needs some training.

Don't fall into the pit of making all the decisions, of being the person that puts forth all of the effort; when a girl does that she puts both she and the guy in a position to be unsuccessful.

- Bro Jo

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