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Wednesday, January 15, 2014

What Does It Mean When a Guy with a Girlfriend Flirts with You?

Dear Bro Jo,

This is my first time doing this, but I desperately need advice for my situation.  I know you've already done something like this, but it is different for me.

Or at least I think it is.

We didn't really meet through Church, but met through a sport we both love to play competitively.

The first time I met him, he came to one of our volleyball practices, because he is really close with the coach through family.

I didn't notice him at first, but later on throughout the practice, I felt like he was staring at me.

I didn't pay attention to it, because it was practice, and I had to focus.

Some of the girls had to leave to catch the bus while we were scrimmaging, so we needed another player.

He ended up on my team, and we did really good together.

When our practice match started to get really competitive, I got hurt.

He helped me up, took me to the trainer’s room, etc.

I had to tell myself he was just being nice to me, and he was--at first.

After that practice, he came to the practices more frequently, and never talked to anyone but me. I started to slowly develop feelings for him.

Because I'm younger, I was fighting these feelings.

But it has become more overwhelming for me.

He started to flirt with me, always smiled when I would stare at him and he'd see me looking.

My feelings started to go past just a small crush, then came the devastating blow, he had a girlfriend!

I found out through a mutual friend.

I started to avoid him, but one day after practice, he confronted me about this.

He asked me why I hadn't talked to him in so long.

I told him I was just busy with my life.

We started to talk, and we got to the subject about his girlfriend.

He tried to avoid the topic, because he knew I liked him, but I insisted telling myself that this would help me.

But after this conversation, my feelings for him have deepened.

He hasn't stopped his flirting either.

When I went to seek advice from our mutual friend, she said that it’s because his girlfriend doesn't go to the same school, and that he just needs attention.

I'm not sure what to do, because I didn't stop this early on, and I'm starting to feel like I'm his rebound, which could very much be true.

Our friends tell me to be a good friend and listener for him, and just to wait.

Everyone who knows us always says that they can see that he likes me, and they say that his relationship with his girlfriend is starting to become unstable, and that they won't last long. I'm not so sure about this, because when I was talking to him about her, I could see he really likes her.

I'm sorry to bug you, but I just need advice, because I don't know what I should do.


- Hopelessly Confused

Dear Hopelessly,

Forgive me, but your email seems familiar . . . perhaps I answered it before and have forgotten . . .

As great as this guy may be, you're a little too hung up on him for my taste.

This is the time in your life when you're supposed to be Casual Group Dating, not pursuing a relationship.

I think it's great of the two of you go on dates, and I think part of that is you should each date lots of different people.

I'm sure he likes you.

And he's clearly flirting.

It also seems to me that he's one of those guys who overlaps girlfriends . . . that's not typically a good thing.

Yes, you should be friendly, but no, you should not live under the illusion that Guys and Girls can be "just friends".

Heck, that's not what you want anyway, right?

One last pitch: one of the great things about Casual Group Dating is that you don't have to deal with any of this drama!

I say "nice guy, could be a super Casual Group Date, but avoid the Boyfriend Girlfriend thing at your age".

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

Boys who flirt with girls when they already have a girlfriend are just trouble. If he will do it to his current girlfriend it is only a matter of time until he does it to you. He is internally weak and needs attention. Run! Pray for strength and look around for better young men who will treat you with respect.

Anonymous said...

Maybe the guy is actually trying to develop some other relationships so he can date other people - not just the one everyone has tagged as his girlfriend.
This happens a lot at our school. A guy dates a girl once and all of a sudden she is his "Girlfriend". He might admit he likes her but it is almost as though from that point on he is stuck with her unless a big "breakup" is staged so that he can actually date someone else. If he continues to date other people in single dates it is assumed that he is a "player". It is much easier to date in groups like Bro Jo says then to have to deal with all the crap. Such drama...