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Wednesday, March 25, 2015

Afraid of Dating Someone in the Military?

Dear Bro Jo,

Hello, I attend a YSA and I saw that you had some advice on dating someone with a kid, "Her parents hate the RM she loves because he fathered a child," but I was hoping you could advise me because my situation is different.

See my problem is, I attend BYU-Idaho so I go back and forth between school a lot.

I am graduating next spring and some young men here in the singles ward have been showing me attention.

Recently one guy has stood out.

He is in the army and has a son that will be 2 soon.

He got divorced soon after his child was born due to the mother cheating on him and leaving him.

That happened when he was inactive and now he is a strong member of the Church.

It's not being in the army doesn't bother me, nor does having a kid . . . or so I thought.

The more I get to know him, the more I liked him and it scared me because for the first time I could see myself marrying someone I just met.

It scares me that he is in the army, he leaves for (location withheld) in September.  I'll finish school around the same time he comes home, but I'm terrified to become attached to someone that could possibly die.

I know anyone could die, but I really care about him and do not want to see him get hurt.

My mom was a little skeptical because he has a kid, but then I brought him over to the house and my parents liked him.

I thought all was well but people kept saying I would throw my life away because if we did end up together I would automatically become a step mom.

I thought about it and I had always had the opinion on how the first time I experience all that marriage has to offer it would be the first time for both of us, is that selfish to think that way?

After all this going on in my head I told him I could not go on any more dates with him.

A week later I started to date an upstanding RM, that everyone loves, but he's boring, so I ended it because the whole time I kept thinking of my army man.

My dad for the first time in my life commented on my dating life saying he would rather have seen me date the army man, than the boring RM.

The army man has made it known to our mutual friends that he would still like to pursue me, but do I chance it?

I'm 20 and he's around 25.

I'm not asking if I should marry the guy, but allow him to pursue me and see where things go or should I just trudge on because I know he's not the only fish in the sea? 

Sincerely,

- Lost Sister




Dear Sister,

EVERYONE could possibly die.

It terrifies me sometimes that at any moment something tragic could happen to someone close to me, like Sister Jo, the Jo Kids, or my parents, or . . .

(Sister Jo, by the way, has a strong grasp of Our Eternal Nature, so death is much less of a fear or worry for her.  She rightly sees it as a "temporary and brief parting", sad yes, but not terrifying.  Like I've said before, she's quite brilliant.)

We can't live our lives in a shell.

You could miss out on a lot of joy spending all of your time avoiding pain.

I say, if he's the Good Man you say he is, give him a chance!

If you don't you may regret it . . . for Eternity.

- Bro Jo

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