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Monday, March 23, 2015

Letting Go

Dear Bro Jo,

Well I haven't emailed in a while, so I thought I would email you now!!!

The thing is, I was dating a guy for about 3 months!

He was perfect, a returned missionary, had callings in the church and gaining himself an education at university!

Everything was going really well, maybe I didn't see him as much as I'd of liked to but with his calling and uni once a week was fine!!

We did spend a lot of time together over the summer before uni though!!

Well here's the problem, out of the blue this weekend he ended it by TEXT, can you believe it?

In text!

He's 23 and thought it was appropriate to do that to me!!

So here's the problem, I feel bad because even though he did that to me I still can't let it go and I miss what we had!

I probably would start dating him again if he wanted to!!

I'm just wondering what I should do?

Shall I just leave him and not speak to him at all, we were really friends before we started dating and getting to know each other so I doubt friends is on the cards!

But I'm not sure if it's right to just not talk anymore!

This all sounds so long winded, sorry!!

Do I just leave it with this guy and forget about him or do I try and rectify what we had?!

Thanks soo much for your help,

- M

Dear M,

Never tired of hearing from you.

What was the coward’s reason for ending the relationship?

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you!

Well he just said he doesn't think it is working and gave me all the usual rubbish about us still being friends and that he does like me but he just doesn't think it's the right time!

At first he suggested we go on a 'break' so he could think about it, but I said surely that it just like ending it and in the end he just went 'I can't do this'!

Thank you so much for replying!

- M

Dear M,

I hate to be the bearer of bad news . . . but it's over.

Sure, he may clue in one day that he's made a mistake, but there's no point in you waiting around for it or him.

I'm sorry.

I know it's painful.

I know you'll be replaying the whole relationship over and over again in your mind, trying to figure out if you did something wrong or what might have been had this all turned out differently.

There's a certain amount of healthiness to that, but not enough that you should let those thoughts consume you. 

The bottom line is, for whatever reason, he wasn't smart enough to hang on to you.

That means you'll have to go out and keep dating until you find a guy that is smart enough.

Write all of your feelings and thoughts in your journal; it's therapeutic.

Chin up!

It will get better.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you so much!

I'm glad you said about the journal that's such a good idea I'm going to do that!

It's just learning from experience I guess.

Well there's just one last thing, it's Stake Conference on Sunday and he'll be there?

Shall I smile at him and be polite or avoid him?!

It sounds petty but I'm just going to make sure I look extra nice


Thanks Bro Jo!

- M

Dear Melody,

Looking "extra nice" is always a wise idea.

Go to conference.

Be social with your friends.

If you see him (and don't go out of your way) then be polite, but not overly friendly.

If he comes to you, fine, but don't go to him.

All of the Single Men in the room need to know that you're no longer attached.

If at the sight of you he's changed his mind and wants to get back together, don't be too quick to say yes.

Make him earn it.

That means at least an apology and an explanation and a present (like flowers).

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

I thought it would be a good idea too!

Thank you,

I'm going to be polite and that's it!

I'll just be reserved if he does want to be with me, although I highly doubt it!

I really appreciate advice.

- M

Dear M,

Good luck!

Keep us posted

 - Bro Jo

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