Afraid to Hug?

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey there.  I was reading your post from today, about kissing/touching and it reminded me of something that's been on my mind.

I'm a 16 year old teenage girl.

See, I've never really been a hugger.

Well, maybe just with girlfriends, but I hardly ever initiate a hug or physical touch.

The thing I can't figure out, is why it's so hard for me.

I don't hate it just to be different in this touchy world. I really do want to be able to show appropriate physical affection to those who I love. It's just not comfortable to me.

I always dread the after date hug and any sort of greeting hug with guys because I feel so awkward at it.

I've noticed it with nearly all guys, even brothers, cousins and other family. I don't come from a huggy family at all, although we are close knit.

When my older brother asked me for a hug out of nowhere, it just gave me a rush of anxiety and I said no.

Anyways, could it just because of my family culture, and is the only fix to make myself hug guys?

I know it seems silly, maybe it is that simple but I just feel like maybe there's something more to it than that.

I thought maybe you've heard lots more about this problem than I have.

- The Awkward Hugger Girl




Dear Awkward,

You're 16 . . . just how many "awkward after date hugs" have you had???

I'm a "touchy" person, but that doesn't mean that I think everyone should be hugging everyone.

Nor do I think it's a good idea for you to go around hugging guys to try to get over it.

BTW - I also think lots of young people are too "huggy". 

People show affection in different ways . . .  and that's okay.

But if we could set that aside for a moment . . .

You used the phrase "rush of anxiety" when your brother asked to give you a hug . . . I find that to be an interesting choice of words.

I mean, he's family, so I'm struggling to see what you mean when you say that hugging is not part of your "family culture" . . . Can you dig a little deeper?

Why is it that you think you feel the way you do?

And, have you ever talked to anyone, like an adult, close trusted friend or relative, or counselor, about all of this?

Just in case this is a little deeper than you and I can discuss here, having that conversation may be a really good idea.

Best,

- Bro Jo