Holding Hands and Cuddling: What's Right and What's Wrong?

Dear Bro Jo,

So there's this boy I like.

I’m 16, he’s 17.

He took me on a date about 3 weeks ago and we doubled with two others and watched a movie at someone’s house.

He held my hand and put his arm around me.

We pretty much acknowledged that we like each other a little bit after that.

He knows I do not want to steady date or get into anything serious right now, and neither does he.

We just like each other, and I don’t want it to be anything more.

So, was it wrong to hold hands?

I don't mean to sound like I'm over-thinking everything (which I probably am) but I just really really want to do what’s right, but I really did like holding his hand!

Tomorrow we are going as a group of friends to a movie.

Should I let him hold my hand or..what?

I am so new to this so I am just curious about what I should do, thanks SO much!!

- I




Dear I,

I don't see anything wrong with you two holding hands while you're on a Casual Group Date (but remember that The Dating Rules say that you shouldn't date the same person twice in a row).

At someone's house watching a movie?

That might cross a line.

Videos at someone's house is not a date, it's a hangout, whether there are even numbers paired off or not.

Plus, in that setting, holding hands is very close to cuddling, and that you shouldn't do.

The other thing you need to understand is that holding hands makes everyone else think you're a couple; start doing that too much or in non-date situations, and regardless of what you both say, everyone will be right; you will be.

Holding hands is pretty cool, though!

Sister Jo and I hold hands whenever we go out, unless she's holding my arm, which she seems to like better and does more often.

She says it makes her feel like I'm escorting her.

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

On our date we had gone out and then came back to watch a movie.

What exactly defines 'cuddling' and why is it wrong?

- I




Dear I,

Going back to someone's house to watch a movie is classic a "let's go somewhere and cuddle and make out" set up.  It's still "hanging out" because the date is, technically, over when you're no longer "out".

Cuddling is like a hug, but not as brief. Any prolonged holding could be called cuddling, but typically I think of it as sitting close and holding each other.  I think heads on laps, shoulders, and leaning on each other also qualifies as cuddling.

It's not "wrong" . . . if you're married . . . or close to it.  Cuddling is affectionate and intimate . . . and that's good . . . when you're at that point in life.

The other thing you need to know is that the distance between cuddling and petting (that's the touching of each other - specifically the parts that garments cover - with the point of arousing ourselves and each other) is a very, very short distance.

People tell themselves all the time that they can do one and avoid the other . . . but it's not really that simple.

That's why it's not good for young people to cuddle.

 - Bro Jo