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Wednesday, October 21, 2015

A Crush on the Missionary that Baptized Her

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm 17 and I have a crush on my missionary, he's the guy that got me ready for my baptism.

He's not really my type, but his personality and way of thinking are attractive.

I don't know if I’m crushing because he's someone I can look up to and someone I can strive to be like or what, but the fact still remains that he's 20.

He just turned 20 and I turned 17 just six months ago.

We haven’t really talked about relationships seeing as he is on a mission but he did ask me when I was turning 18 which is when his mission is over, discovering this he casually suggested that I look him up on Facebook during this time seeing as his mission would be over.

Is this creepy too?

(I read about the "crush on future missionary" post you had.)

Also I know there’s a chance of him being assigned to a different ward is it wrong that I’m kind of scared of that happening, or is it just normal thinking?

- (Name Withheld)




Dear Normal,

What you're feeling IS normal . . . . but don't confuse gratitude and spiritual joy with love.

First of all, while you may be attracted to him (and he may be attracted to you), it may also be that the good feelings you have about your new commitment to the Gospel are getting mixed in with your other feelings, and perhaps be projecting something that isn't really there.

You also need to know that the man you meet while he's serving a mission is only part of who he is; for obvious reasons you don't get to see the whole picture, and that can be misleading.

Not to imply that away from the suit and name tag he's a bad guy . . . but you only get to see the "holy" stuff, so the picture you have is incomplete.

I hope he does get transferred, for his sake and for yours. 

If he does, wish him well and let him go.

After his mission, if he tries to contact you (don't be disappointed if he doesn't, and don't wait around for it to happen) and IF, after you get to know him as a non-missionary, and AFTER you turn 19 (18 and 21 is just a little too far apart in my book) then date him IF he asks.

But don't put your life on hold for him.

And, I'll reiterate here something I've said many many times:  though I know it's worked out from time to time, missionaries going back to areas where they served to date (and possibly marry) girls they met while on the mission . . . weirds me out.   So often it seems a sign that he was not as focused on the work as he should have been.

A 20 year old guy hitting on a 17-year old new convert?

Yeah, I'm just super uncomfortable with that.

- Bro Jo

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