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Monday, October 26, 2015

Three Big Questions: 1. Can She IM a Guy Who's on His Mission? 2. Should She Serve? 3. Should the Guy Be Warned that the Girl He's Spending All Night with is 16, not 18?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a couple questions for you that range from dating, missionaries, and roommates.

1. I am a college student, and I have a friend who is on his mission. He is allowed to use Facebook as a tool for missionary work, and maybe this is a stupid question, but is he allowed to use the Facebook chat?

I am thinking like if I had a question about the gospel, or if I wanted to send him a little inspirational quote. I would just use it occasionally.

2. Second question: Recently I have been having a difficult time with school, I lost all motivation, and I have felt like I am not supposed to be here (at this school, in this town, where I have lived my whole life). So I started to decide if I wanted to serve a mission. It felt like the right thing to do, and I figured that it would be a great experience for me. But recently I am having doubts.

Suddenly it doesn't feel right to do anything, I am excited about starting my papers, but I am still doubting it. I don't know what to do, so I guess I am looking for some words of wisdom.

3.  Third: My roommate is only 16 years old. This isn't a huge problem, but she has a "boyfriend" who is 24. He thinks that she is 18, because that’s what she told him.

She stays in his room past 4 am most nights, she misses classes to hang out with him, and she tells me how they have steamy make out sessions, usually at night, in his room, with the light off. I know all this because she tells me, and one night I stopped by and all the lights were off and they were passionately kissing.

I know I am not her parent or anything, but I am worried about her, and when I talk to her about it she says things like "it’s not that bad!" "He’s not that much older than me" "You went on a date with a younger guy!" "It’s okay, it’s not a big deal".

I also noticed that she didn't take the sacrament this Sunday. I realize that it isn't my place to judge, but she has taken it every other week... so I am worried about her.

I also thought that he could get in trouble with the law because she is still a minor. I need advice on how to handle this.

Should I alert him to the fact she is only 16?

Should I just step back?

Thanks for all of your help!!!!!

- (Name Withheld)

Dear NW,

1. It can vary by mission, but in nearly every instance, No, he should not be chatting with you on Facebook while he's on his mission.

There are tons of other people you can ask your Gospel questions; set your crush aside and let himm focus on the people he's called to serve.

2. A mission us not for running away; it's for serving God and His children. While service helps us feel better, simply leaving doesn't mean that our problems don't follow.

Go because you want to serve, not because “life is hard”. Trust me: a mission is way harder than school.

3. In many states this man may be about to commit a crime, if he hasn't already. (My money says he has.) Typically I'd say that unless you're at a Church school where the honor code is being broken, or their activities are interrupting your life (say, if they're in your room or apartment) then you should mind your own business.

Yes, they're making HUGE mistakes, and yes it is a big deal, and yes neither of them really loves the other (no respect = no love), but that's their deal.  (I don't like it any more than you do.  Probably even less.)

However, if he was about to rob a bank and didn't know he could go to prison the decent thing would be to tell him.

She hasn't come to you asking for advice, and she's going to hate you, but you need to tell him.

Give her the opportunity first, saying something like "he needs to know; you're putting him in serious legal jeopardy; invite him over and I'll be here with you while you tell him; and if you don't, I'm telling him in an hour".

This is one of those situations where people need saving, whether they want it or not.

But whatever you say, make sure to say it with love.

Good luck.

Let me know how it goes.

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

He should know she is under 18, that much is for sure. However, depending on the state, he might not be committing a crime. Assuming this writer is at a CES school, in Idaho and Hawaii he has committed a crime; however, in Utah he has not, since Utah law states that a female over 16 may have sexual contact with anyone under 26. Either way though, he needs to be told. And as much as I hate people who take trivial things to the Honor Office (assuming this is a CES school) this matter is beyond trivial. TO be honest, I don't think very many, if any, 16 year-old belong at college.

Kristin said...

1) I think facebooking him is a bad idea, but if you were friends before his left, he would probably love to hear from you in an email- or better yet, a hand written letter! Ask him about his mission, any investigators he might have, the area that he's serving in, etc. Then ask him your question and/or share some spiritual insight with him. I've had several friends serve a mission, and I don't think there is a single one that didn't appreciate a letter in the mail

2) Take some time to seriously ponder and pray about a mission. Go to the temple and commune about it. I once heard someone say that if it feels right in the temple, then why do you doubt when you walk away? Sometimes Satan tries to make us feel like it's not a good idea when he knows he can get to us. But please, don't serve a mission because you're bored or don't know what you should do with your life. Those are the wrong reasons to serve. Like Bro Jo said, go because you want to serve (and I might add because that's what the Lord wants you to do; maybe you want to, but He has a better plan for you).

Whitney Morris said...
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