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Monday, October 12, 2015

When He Keeps Putting Off the Proposal

Dear Bro Jo,

I have been dating my boyfriend for nearly two years.

I will be 20 in a month and he will soon be 24.

He is awesome, we are both active in the Church, he is an RM and we both have a strong desire to do what's right. We are very much in love and have a great relationship.

There is a problem though.

Last year he told me he wanted to get married that summer, which was great.

We were planning on August.

He never proposed and said he felt better about October which then soon turned into December and then March and now May.  Still with no proposal.

I love him and I would love to be with him forever but I don't know what to do right now.

He says he feels good about us and has gone to the Temple and felt good but sometimes he gets scared or feels off and it's enough to cause him not to act.

Any advice for either of us?

Thank you,

- This is Exhausting

Dear Exhausted,

I believe ultimatums can be motivational, but I don't often recommend them in relationships; it's a bad sign when we need to pressure our loved ones into doing the right thing. advice?

I think you need to break up with him.

I'm serious.

Look, marriage, Eternal Marriage, is about more than "being in love" and him being a great guy.

 It's about two people, a man and a woman, covenanting to be together forever ... to raising a Celestial Family together (even if they're unable - not "unwilling" - to have Children while in this existence. 

Sure, it's scary, but it's also wonderful and exciting!

As I see it you have two serious problems in your relationship.

One is that I don't think he's being completely honest with you.

 The other is that he's not motivated, not driven, to be your Eternal Companion.

You want, you deserve, a man who can't stand to be away from you, not a guy who keeps putting you off.

I think he has an issue he has neither brought himself to resolve nor to share with you, and I think it's deeper than nervousness.

And I don't think being married to you is motivation enough to get it taken care of.

That's too bad.

And very dumb on his part.

But he figures he can just keep putting you off indefinitely ... and that is not good for you.

Or him.

So...hard as this is, and I know it's horrible, you need to move on.

Perhaps the realization that he's lost you will inspire him to change.

For his sake I hope so.

I hope he fixes what's wrong and begs you to take him back.

But you can't count on that, and you can't wait around for it to happen.

There are too many other great potential eternal companions out there for you to hang around being the eternal safety net. I'm sorry if this seems harsh, but I'll bet I'm not telling you things you don't already know in your heart.

Let's pray he gets it figured out,

- Bro Jo

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