Things to know

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Wednesday, October 14, 2015

When You Think You're About to Get Married . . . and It Get's Called Off

Dear Bro Jo,

Hi.

I met this guy at a YSA conference about 7 months ago. Instantly we had a connection,

I guess you could say love at first sight for both of us.

Since then we have been inseparable. I fell in love and so did he.

He shifted to the town I live and even shifted in to my house that I live at with my parents (not in the same room obviously) we lived together for 6 months....he then proposed to me.

Of course I said yes!

We had both had confirmation that this was the right thing to do numerous times!

We had a few trials after our engagement (as I expected as I was preparing to enter the Temple).

However through much trial and tribulation I entered the Temple...it was the most beautiful humbling experience of my life and especially with my fiancé at my side!

However after we got back from the Temple, my fiancé told me he needed to go back to his family (3hours away) for a couple of days to "clear his head" about what we had been through the last few weeks.

He told me he wasn't sure about marrying me anymore.

He left for 3 weeks!

He then came back and told me he still isn't sure and wanted to just call off the engagement.

I thought it was better for us to call it off all together if this was how he was feeling.

He agreed.

Now...I am left absolutely heartbroken...I don't know what to do with myself.

I’m 24, he’s 26...return missionary.

I thought I had finally found my one, I realized why no other relationships worked out when I met him because I was meant for him.

I feel like the Lord had confirmed this to me so many times.

I don't know how I will trust myself again when it comes to dating again?

I don't even know how to get back in to the dating scene.

How do you recover from something like this?

How do I trust myself again?

How do I ever trust another man?

Things were bliss for the first 6 months...I NEVER saw this coming

- Not Getting Married




Dear Friend,

Recoveries from Big Things take time.

The pain may never fully go away, but it will get better.

Take it from someone who's had his heart broken, too.


(Have you ever read about the girl who I was sure was "the girl" who dumped me twice in 12 hours? 

Or the girl that no-showed to our date and refused to ever see me again with no warning or explanation? 

All I'm saying is: you're not alone.)


The thing is, this whole thing could have ended up much worse than it did: you could have married him!

Imagine how tough this would be if you had children?

If you were 44 instead of 24 and your whole life changed?

Happens all the time.

Even in the Church.

I know right now that may seem like a small consolation, but again . . . with time . . . And you know, the thing isn't that everything got difficult . . . that happens.

In every relationship.

The thing is that this guy, for reasons I suspect but we may never truly know, wasn't willing to stick it out, or humble enough to turn to you for help.

And those qualities (or lack thereof), dear sister, make for a very difficult marriage.

I'm sorry that this happened.

Give yourself time.

I promise it will get better.

Trust in the Lord.

He'll never leave you.

- Bro Jo


Dear Friend,

You may find it interesting that at the same time I was writing you I got another email from a young man who has just discovered that his girlfriend "doesn't love" him.

He's totally distraught.

He's about your age and thinks he'll never find love again.

See?

I told you that you're not alone!

He's a good guy who is trying to prove he loves her, but just can't seem to live up to her (unrealistic) expectations.

Nothing he does to try and sweep her off her feet seems to be enough.

Good guys are out there, I promise!

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks for your reply.

It is kind of comforting I guess to know I'm not the only one.

Poor guy, can imagine just how he is feeling!

- Your Friend




Dear Friend,

Anytime!

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Yup. The pain will last, but it will get better. It will get easier to carry. Even to this day, I am happily married for almost 2 years now with a child. The breakup before I started dating the man who became my husband was so painful, so sudden and so unexpected, sometimes when I recount the story to other people, I still feel the hurt. I still feel pain from his decisions that led to me being dumped. But things got better. Things got WAY better. There are still unanswered questions that I will probably never get answers to, but Heavenly Father promises "While it may not come at the time we desire, the faithful will know that every tear today will eventually be returned a hundredfold with tears of rejoicing and gratitude." - Elder Joseph B. Wirthlin, from his conference talk "Come What May and Love It"

I know that is true, and I promise if you remain faithful, you will be blessed more than you can imagine! It will get better and it will KEEP getting better! There will always be hard times, but every hard time will some day be met with blessings far greater than any struggle we experience. :)