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Wednesday, May 31, 2017

Should Her Friend Be Jealous?

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a friend who is much older than me. (She is 25, while I'm 19) We become close the past few months and even roomed together for a semester.

She recently became friends with my cousin's roommate who is 19 years old. I was also introduced to him much later and we three would hang out once in a while.

He seemed interested in me and even asked me on a date but I don't date right now because of cultural reasons so I told him that and he was okay with that. We continue to talk and text.
Lately my friend has been acting weird, she has been avoiding me and just a few days ago she spoke to me regarding this guy.

She feels that I stole him away from her and that he no longer texts her as much and she’s upset that I as a close friend to her would do this to her. She thought that he and I had something going on which I cleared with her that I don't. We spoke things out, she said a few harsh things but I continued to listen and cleared things out one by one. She says she likes him a little but doesn't want to but is more hurt that he would jump from her to me.

He sees her no more than a friend so there is no mutual connection between her and him and I never thought she would like him because she would constantly urge me to go out with him, etc. So I would've never thought she would be interested.

The day we spoke about it, everything cleared up. Even though I was hurt, I decided to let it go. But the next few days she started to talk about this issue to other people other than me. (My cousins, my sister)

I was hurt that she thought this way about me. She still hasn't spoken to me about it or anything.
He is a great guy and I don't want to choose between people. I want to be friends with both of them. She straight out told me she doesn’t want anything to do with him anymore but I know she still cares.

I don't know how to take this? I'm not really good with talking about sensitive issues like this one. This boy is just a friend which I told her multiple times and our convos are very casual. I told her that it’s not my fault he doesn't talk to her but she feels that I betrayed her.

How do I act upon this? I don't know how to deal with this. How can I make myself feel less hurt and how can I help her as well? I'm just confused and lost.

-A Friend.

Dear Friend,

Don't do anything special.

Jealousy is something that makes people talk and act weird.

Be Kind.  Be Genuine.  And Be Patient.

If you're truly not interested in him, she'll figure it out eventually.

And she is going to have to figure it out on her own.

I will say, though, the one thing that she understands that you don't is that Men Can't Stay "Just Friends" with Women.

And, that said . . . you may want to think about whether or not you do, in fact, like this guy.

I don't think anyone should give up a Great Eternal Companion in favor of someone who isn't enough of a good friend to realize that they have no chance and you do.

Just a thought.

- Bro Jo

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