Making the First Kiss Special

Dear Bro Jo,

I must start off to say that I am very pleasantly surprised consecutively by the answers to questions here and there.

To start off, I will tell you a little bit about myself. I recently returned home from my mission, have been on a few dates here and there and started steady dating a friend of mine that I have know for quite some time. To be totally honest, she is a really special girl, someone I can be totally honest around, and has the best standards out of all the previous girlfriends I have had in the past.

As for the question, I have seen so many of my friends, RM friends, any friends, that once they get into a relationship they just tend to throw kisses away left and right like it means nothing. For me personally I just can't bring myself to do that and feel like a kiss means something more than just liking someone and that it should have more specialness attached to it.

Now obviously I have only really been steady dating this friend for a couple weeks, but my question is, if the relationship were to continue to progress and what not, what kind of time frame do you think there is for kissing, and how do you make the kiss a special experience without making the girl feel like that is all there is to the relationship?

I am not in the relationship for the kissing, cuddling, hugging, etc, but for the aspect of having someone beside you as a best friend, however at the same time I do acknowledge that these kinds of things DO come in the process, otherwise there probably wouldn't be any chemistry to get the relationship moving.

Well, I hope my question made sense,

Fresh RM

Dear RM,

Thank you (I think).

For many, a Kiss means a Commitment . . . there’s nothing wrong with that. I think many in the world today give away affection to soon.

But I also believe that Kisses are like “I Love You”s; there’s no limit to how many one can give out in a life time. You don’t hit a magic cut-off number one day and say :
“Sorry, honey, I’m all out. Used them up as a college student. Here’s a handshake, hope you understand the sentiment”.

I don’t think I’ll define a PDA Timetable, but I will say that I hope for your sake, and the sake of this girl you’re dating, that coupled with your Noble Intentions you have a Strong Desire to kiss her . . . even if you don’t act on it for a little while longer.

If you want your First Kiss as a couple to be something special, you could plan a romantic situation (like strolling through a moonlit park) or pick a special location (the place you were when you first realized how much you like her), but BEWARE! The more “Special” you make it, the more likely it will be to become an over-inflated moment, taking on more importance than it should, especially if you soon after realize you need to get out of this relationship.

I very clearly remember my first kiss with Sister Jo. The moment was special, not the location. It was spontaneous, not contrived or planned. In fact, I’d “planned” to not kiss her for several more dates . . . but I couldn’t help it; she was just so gosh-darned cute!

Typically I recommend saving kissing until the third date or a little later at your age, but I don’t think you plan these things, I think they just happen. (YM/YW shouldn't feel pressure to Kiss at all, and Single Adults over 30 should probably do a little smooching 3rd date or sonner)

If you get to the point where you’ve been Exclusively Dating for a couple months and you’ve yet to kiss at all, in my book that’s a Big Red Flag. You may both be timid, but any dating relationship between two marriage-age people that far into the romance needs to have a little passion, or, at the very least, demonstrated caring.

You’re wise to recognize the more important things that come with marriage. I’ll confess: Sister Jo is now, and has always been, a very beautiful woman (and I really like kissing her!) but there’s so much more to our relationship. I’d give up kissing her before I’d choose not to talk to her. I need to talk to her every day.

But Chemistry isn’t what gets a relationship moving, it’s what grows naturally out of a relationship. You don’t kiss your Girlfriend because you want to take the relationship to the next logical level, Spock, you kiss her because the time in your life is right, you can’t help kissing her, and (let’s face it) kissing is great!

Your question made sense, but for you and the other Not Very Experienced RMs out there, let me also answer the unasked question . . .

When you feel so inspired, take the advice from Hitch from the movie of the same name, go 90% of the way. Keep your eyes looking at hers until you’re about 85% there, then lean in and close them as you close the distance to 90%. She’ll either kiss you or run away. Either way, you’ll know where she stands.

- Bro Jo