Set the Goal RMs - 50+ DPY (Dates per Year)!

Dear Bro Jo,

First of all I would like say that you have an awesome blog. It's great that there is a spot on the web to ask dating advice from a member of the church.

My question is in regards to dating non-member girls.

I'm a 24 year old from Australia. I returned from my mission about a year and a half ago. Since then I have been on some dates but with no luck of finding a potential future companion. I've kind of gotten the 'I like you as a friend' response from most girls.

Therefore since returning back from the mission I have not been in a relationship. The YSA scene in Australia is some what small compared to places like Utah. My desires are to be married in the temple with the right girl and have a family.

Now to my question: Since returning back from the mission I've started university. There are many single girls at school and it has at one point or another crossed my mind to ask some of these girls on a date. I then think back and say no I shouldn't as my desires are to be married in the Temple. Is it wrong to think like this? I mean to totally count someone out because they are not members of the church?

Thank you for your time and any advice would be great.

Jay Dee.


Dear Jay,

Thanks for the compliment, and for Reading and Writing In.

I know that there are areas in the world where the potential LDS Mates are few and far between, but University in Australia is not one of them.

Part of your problem is quantity: “some dates” is not going to cut it. A 24-year old Return Missionary should be dating once a week, minimum. By now you should have been on 75-80 dates and, believe me, if you had you’d be a lot closer to marriage by now.

So let’s address why you’re not dating enough.

I don’t think it’s “quantity”, as you imply. I’m certain that if you’re at the University that there are plenty of LDS girls within close proximity (and by that I mean within 50 miles). In fact, let’s try a little experiment.

I think the key lies in your statement “the right girl”. I agree that you need to find a Quality Sister and, controversial as this may be, I also support finding a woman you find Very Attractive (although I do think we men tend to focus too much on superficial stuff – as I’ve said MANY times: Sister Jo is a Hot-Hot-Hot Woman, but her outward beauty is not one of the top 25 things I love about her). But, Jay, I suspect that you’re eliminating Many Great Sisters from the Dating Pool without even asking them out.

And don’t tell me you dated all of them, because that would be a lie, and you know it.

Date them, and date them twice. Three times if necessary.

To your original question: “Is it OK to date non-member girls?”

Yes and No.

For Younger Guys, Preemies (the term is growing on me), I’d say “sure”. They’re in Casual-Group Dating mode, so why not?

For Guys your age, 24, I say only with extreme caution. If you met a Righteous Almost-Ready-for-Baptism Sister, then OK, so long as the two of you dating neither keeps her from the Gospel nor becomes the only reason for her to join the Church.

Better, I think, to focus on women who are Temple Ready. Marriage is difficult enough without having two religions (even if one of them is “no religion”) in the mix.

Which University do you attend?

- Bro Jo


Hi Brother Jo,

Sorry for the late reply.

I attend Deakin University. I have also been thinking a lot about what I asked. I've come to the conclusion that I should date members.

The thought did come into my mind about dating non-members, maybe because I was a bit discouraged about my recent dating experiences. I know that eventually we will marry those we date.

I guess it will be a bit risky falling in love with a non member as in the end I might end up marrying her. There might be a chance she does not convert to the Church and then my desires of Temple marriage will not be realized.

I know that in marriage it is necessary to have a common foundation in regards to religious belief. So in the mean time I guess I will focus on improving myself as a person and have faith that the right person will eventually come along, with effort on my part of course.

~ Jay Dee


Brilliant, Jay!

Until you find the girl that sparks the flame, may I suggest that you commit to going on at least one date per week?

I agree that you should stick to LDS women, the ultimate goal being the Temple.

I dated girls that were what we might empirically call "stunning" (including some models and actresses) but there's so much more than just beauty that you'll want to find.

Every week, Jay. Minimum one date every week.

And that shouldn’t be too difficult: I looked it up, if you count just the regular students, there are over 20,000 undergraduate women at Deakin! They can’t ALL be married . . .

There are 7 Wards by the Burwood Campus alone, and correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m pretty sure the Caulfield Ward is for University students.

(Readers, help me out, please. Here’s an open invitation to all “Dear Bro Jo” LDS YSA Sisters that live within 50 miles of Deakin, will you please respond below if you think the YSA Brethren in your area don’t ask out girls often enough? And if I'm sending this Brother to the wrong ward, let me know that too!)


Get out there, son!

Minimum one date every week.

- Bro Jo

PS - Thanks also for that fabulous Testimony of Temple Marriage and your commitment to being your best! God Bless!