What should I do?
It's been many months since my ex broke up with me, but I still can't seem to erase him from my daily thoughts. We started emailing 3 months after the split and were going to meet up and talk and do something fun, but then our schedules never worked out. I then wrote him an email with my feelings and asked him his thoughts. The response was filled with "I don't knows," and "I love being your friend and will always love you."
Baloney! I find that if a guy really doesn't know, then the answer is no. Since then I haven't tried to contact him, nor has he tried to contact me. It's over, he's obviously moved on. It's unfortunate he didn't realize my worth, maybe if he had been LDS he would have. Good thing he doesn't live in my city, because I'd probably become a crazy stalker and be jealous of any girls I see around him.
I can't be his friend, it's too difficult. I miss laughing with him and knowing how he's doing. We were friends for three years before we started dating. It stinks to lose a friend, especially after the relationship went a step above friends.
I've talked to good guy friends who have helped me to deal and get over him. I've talked to girlfriends and family. I even went to my bishop and his wife. I've gotten rid of things that would bring up memories, gone on some dates, worked on my talents, participated in activities that I enjoy, and I still wind up thinking about him. No one wants to hear about him anymore, and I'm sick of telling Heavenly Father how I feel, he's probably sick of it too. I've skipped church and ignored my calling the last two weeks because I just haven't felt like going. I know that I need help to get through this. I've come to the conclusion that I need to see a counselor, but the question is who? Do I go to the counseling service that my non-LDS college offers for free, or should I ask my bishop for a referral to LDS social services? This guy had a little contact with the missionaries at one point and I don't know if talking to a regular counselor would understand some of the spiritual aspects of the relationship that I would like to talk about. What do you suggest?
- Ready to Move On
Dear Ready,
You’re right, friendship is out, but that’s not as bad as it may sound because when you replace this guy you’ll have a new friend anyway.
It’s healthy to miss a relationship that meant a lot to us, so take comfort in the fact that what you’re going through is normal.
You’ve realized it’s over, recognized that you probably would have been better off dating a guy of the same religion and standards, but the pain is still there and you’re wondering how to make it go away . . .
Well you need to stop taking advice from Timon (“when the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on da world”). Remember that the Savior is also called the Prince of Peace and that the Spirit is called the Comforter. Stop making excuses, and get back to Church.
Your Heavenly Father will NEVER be tired of hearing how you feel, he loves you, so keep praying and studying your scriptures.
The feelings and thoughts about Heavenly Father being sick of you and the notion that dodging your calling and skipping Sacrament will some how make you feel better, well . . . where do you think those are coming from?
We never feel better distancing our selves from the Lord. What you need to do is MORE service, not less.
Everything you’ve been told about removing the memorabilia and focusing on work and other things is helpful, but you need to realize that all wounds take time to heal.
I have no idea if you need professional counseling. Your Bishop is better equipped to answer that. My gut instinct is that an LDS counselor would be better given your circumstances, but frankly I don’t think you need counseling as much as you need to just get over it.
I feel prompted to suggest one more thing. Now this may not be the case in your particular situation, but very often when people coming out of relationships struggle this hard to get over someone there’s some repenting that has yet to properly be done; usually it's that they've been more intimate than they should have.
We distance ourselves from the Lord not because it feels better, but because we’re unwilling to confess that which he already knows.
Is it possible that you haven’t told your Bishop every thing you should? How can he help you if you haven't told him the whole story?
Baloney! I find that if a guy really doesn't know, then the answer is no. Since then I haven't tried to contact him, nor has he tried to contact me. It's over, he's obviously moved on. It's unfortunate he didn't realize my worth, maybe if he had been LDS he would have. Good thing he doesn't live in my city, because I'd probably become a crazy stalker and be jealous of any girls I see around him.
I can't be his friend, it's too difficult. I miss laughing with him and knowing how he's doing. We were friends for three years before we started dating. It stinks to lose a friend, especially after the relationship went a step above friends.
I've talked to good guy friends who have helped me to deal and get over him. I've talked to girlfriends and family. I even went to my bishop and his wife. I've gotten rid of things that would bring up memories, gone on some dates, worked on my talents, participated in activities that I enjoy, and I still wind up thinking about him. No one wants to hear about him anymore, and I'm sick of telling Heavenly Father how I feel, he's probably sick of it too. I've skipped church and ignored my calling the last two weeks because I just haven't felt like going. I know that I need help to get through this. I've come to the conclusion that I need to see a counselor, but the question is who? Do I go to the counseling service that my non-LDS college offers for free, or should I ask my bishop for a referral to LDS social services? This guy had a little contact with the missionaries at one point and I don't know if talking to a regular counselor would understand some of the spiritual aspects of the relationship that I would like to talk about. What do you suggest?
- Ready to Move On
Dear Ready,
You’re right, friendship is out, but that’s not as bad as it may sound because when you replace this guy you’ll have a new friend anyway.
It’s healthy to miss a relationship that meant a lot to us, so take comfort in the fact that what you’re going through is normal.
You’ve realized it’s over, recognized that you probably would have been better off dating a guy of the same religion and standards, but the pain is still there and you’re wondering how to make it go away . . .
Well you need to stop taking advice from Timon (“when the world turns its back on you, you turn your back on da world”). Remember that the Savior is also called the Prince of Peace and that the Spirit is called the Comforter. Stop making excuses, and get back to Church.
Your Heavenly Father will NEVER be tired of hearing how you feel, he loves you, so keep praying and studying your scriptures.
The feelings and thoughts about Heavenly Father being sick of you and the notion that dodging your calling and skipping Sacrament will some how make you feel better, well . . . where do you think those are coming from?
We never feel better distancing our selves from the Lord. What you need to do is MORE service, not less.
Everything you’ve been told about removing the memorabilia and focusing on work and other things is helpful, but you need to realize that all wounds take time to heal.
I have no idea if you need professional counseling. Your Bishop is better equipped to answer that. My gut instinct is that an LDS counselor would be better given your circumstances, but frankly I don’t think you need counseling as much as you need to just get over it.
I feel prompted to suggest one more thing. Now this may not be the case in your particular situation, but very often when people coming out of relationships struggle this hard to get over someone there’s some repenting that has yet to properly be done; usually it's that they've been more intimate than they should have.
We distance ourselves from the Lord not because it feels better, but because we’re unwilling to confess that which he already knows.
Is it possible that you haven’t told your Bishop every thing you should? How can he help you if you haven't told him the whole story?
Or perhaps you have, but you've yet to go through the process? Are you pulling away from the Lord because you feel, on some level, unworthy of his love? Have you forgotten that Heavenly Father loves all of us, regardless of what we've done?
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