Just Words?

Bro Jo-

Okay so I’m 16, I'll be 17 pretty soon.

Everyone in my ward teases me because I haven't been on a single date yet.

I've been asked on two, once I missed a call and when I returned it the boy had already found another girl. The other with a boy madly in love with my sister, and I had other plans, plus to be honest I really just would rather not date him.

It doesn't really bother me much I don't date. I just don't like the fact that everyone thinks its hilarious I don't.

It's not that I don't interact with other guys, I do, I have tons of guy friends, more than girls even. Guys regularly flirt with me. Just no one asks. Should I be wanting to date?

Before I was 16, lots of guys showed interest in me, but I turned them down because I didn't want to date before I was of age. Now it’s like no one really even wants to. Is it wrong of me not to mind?

I figure I have time to date, there isn't much rush. But I'm also wondering if there is something wrong with me because it doesn't bother me and no one asks?

Thanks.

Slightly confused


Dear Slightly,

You should date, even if you don’t necessarily want to, but you should never go out with a guy that makes you afraid or uncomfortable.

Why?

Because Dating teaches us important social skills that we can’t really learn any other way, and those social skills help us get where we’d like to be eternally. Hiding within our comfort zone typically isn’t a good thing.
It IS good that it doesn’t bother you that you haven’t been asked out much, but I don’t believe you. If you weren’t bothered you wouldn’t have written, right?

What isn’t good is the grief others are giving you. There’s a lot of power in learning how to let that stuff not bother you – in sports we talk about not letting things (like what the referee does) get to you that you have no control over – but I can certainly understand how you feel.

If I were you the next time someone said something, even in a teasing way, about you not having dated yet, I’d turn to them, look them right in the eye and say (perhaps with a bit of humor) “So, just exactly what are you hoping I’ll feel when you say those hurtful things? Are you trying to be mean, are you intentionally insensitive, or are you just oblivious and non-caring about the feelings of others?”

I don’t think people should be allowed to get away with insulting others, even if (and especially if) they’re “just doing it in fun”.

But then I’ve been told I’m a bit confrontational . . .

If it helps you can take heart in this axiom: often the best girls, the most fun, the most beautiful, the ones that are truly sweet, just don’t get asked out much in High School.

It’s true.

Guys are dumb, what can I say?

That said, the only thing “wrong” with you may be your attitude towards dating. Perhaps if you worked a bit on being more positive and acted as if you’d LIKE to go on dates . . .

Just a suggestion,

- Bro Jo