Dear Bro Jo . . . : New York vs. Utah

Things to know

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Wednesday, December 16, 2009

New York vs. Utah - part II

Readers: A follow-up to last weeks letter from "Dateless".

Bro Jo,

Thanks so much for the reply! I love your blog and I think it's great that you are so willing to help us out. Thanks for the advice about the dances... it's a good idea (and I'm in student council... so maybe I can throw out some ideas there!). You said I needed to not come across as too judgmental - and I think I've been a little guilty of that lately. It's not like I'm judging them and making fun of them behind their backs, but I think I've been judgmental of people friendship wise, like I'll meet people, but I guess in my mind I'm concerned that if they are popular, attractive or make friends really easy that they will think I'm latching onto them. I guess I'm afraid they will think I'm annoying or something so I'm judging them by thinking that they will just ride me off and judge me. I think I'm too concerned that if I try to become friends with a lot of these people that they won't want to be my friends... or I'm just too worried about what other people think. But the thing is, I'm not worried about lowering my standards or giving in to people who try to change my standards because I've already made that an important part of my life. The problem is that I don't know how to get past it so that I can be myself and get to know others better and let them get to know me. If I'm too "secretive" about myself, it doesn't make me seem like a very fun date prospect... I feel like if I can get rid of this idea that everyone will judge me and just work on being myself and being fun to be around then I will be able to get to know both guys and girls a lot better and have more dating and friendship oppurtunities. Sorry this doesn't really make sense and it's all over the place, but thanks again for your advice!

Dateless

Dear Dateless,

Anytime, and "Thank YOU".

Let us know if you have any success from a Student Council point of view.

As for everything else you're feeling, just know that it's all totally normal. Eventually you'll become more comfortable with who you are AND more accepting of others and their quirks. The quickest way to get to that point is to continuously build your relationship with Christ through all the "typical" things: scripture study, Church attendance, and prayer.

Hang in and have fun,

- Bro Jo

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Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

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Disclaimer

*This website is not affiliated with the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints, nor does it's author claim to write on behalf of the LDS Church.

for more information on The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints go to: http://www.mormon.org/

"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Wednesday, December 16, 2009

New York vs. Utah - part II

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