Missionary Crush

Dear Bro Jo,

I've read some of your advice, and I think that you may be able to help.

So, the set of missionaries in our ward are both really cool guys. (We shall call them N and H for quick reference and to minimize confusion)
Well, my sister likes N and I like H (a little cliched, I know)
Anyways, I am a 15 year old girl and H is 19 years old and has been on his mission for a little over 6 months. (most of which has been in my ward) My family and I are really good friends with them both and we hang out with them a lot.

I have a really big crush on H, and I know him fairly well. I'm not entirely sure about the rules of writing/e-mailing a missionary while he is in your mission, but I'm sure that it's pretty illegal. I know the chances of him coming back for me are slim (at best), but I really like him, and I feel that if he weren't on his mission, we would be a very good couple.

Transfers are next week, and the chances that him and his companion will stay again are about as good as my chances of H coming back for me. (They have been here a while N for about 8 months and H for about 5.) But my heart is kind of breaking at the thought of him leaving.

I guess what I'm asking is:
What exactly are the rules for writing/e-mailing a missionary in your mission?
and
Would it be a wise idea to pursue a relationship after his mission? (if I still like him)

I know that I have lots of time before any of this should matter, but I would really like to know.

Sincerely,

The Confused Chick


Dear CC,

I'm glad you wrote, but you won't be.

The rules for writing are that missionaries may not write or otherwise contact anyone from their previous area(s) until the mission is over and they've gone home and been released. Occasionally a Mission President may make an exception, but it's phenomenally rare and NEVER is the exception made for an Elder to contact a Girl, regardless of her age. (In my opinion it's grounds for sending someone home early.)

Although I know a few people who've done it and it's worked out well, I have a serious problem with Missionaries that go back to an area where they served to date someone they met before they were released. In addition to being a sign that they weren't focused on what they should have been, I think it's creepy, especially if that person was a YW at the time.

No, you should not pursue a relationship with this man. Even after he goes home. For the love of Pete! You'll be 16 and he'll be 21! That is NOT an acceptable age difference. At a time when you should be just starting to Casual Group Date he'll be a return missionary and should be actively looking for a spouse.

If I haven't gone far enough, I think parents (particularly those with Teenage Girls) who allow the Missionaries to "hang out" at their homes and with their families are morons. You can tell your parents I said that. In fact, you can give them my email address and if they send me their phone number I'll call them at my expense and clearly explain why what they're allowing isn't "cute", it's dangerous, dumb, and possibly robbing future Church members of their opportunity to hear the Gospel.

(Can you tell that this stuff makes me a bit angry?)

Look, you seem like a nice kid, and I can certainly understand why a YW would develop a crush on a missionary, but for his sake and yours you need to cut this relationship off now.

If the two of you happen to both be single 4 years from now, and you run into each other in college, then fine: you can date then.

So . . . you know how I feel.

If you're still "confused" it's because your hormones are overriding your judgement. If you have any trouble cutting this thing off, or if he pursues you in anyway, talk to your parents and/or Bishop. If you can't bring yourself to do it, send me their information and I'll do it. I have no problem telling a Bishop or Mission President that a Missionary in their area is hitting on a 15 year old.

I'm ornery that way.

(Not that anyone has every taken me up on it . . .)

Look, you shouldn't feel guilty about how you feel, you just need to make sure that nothing happens and that you (quickly) switch your focus to where it should be.

I don't mean to be harsh, just clear.

Seriously, if you need anymore help, let me know.

- Bro Jo