Dear Bro Jo . . . : Keep Smilin'!

Things to know

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Friday, July 23, 2010

Keep Smilin'!

Dear Bro Jo,

I'm a 14 year old girl and I am having some boy trouble. There's this guy I had a crush on, (he is LDS too) and I would see him smile at me and I would smile at him. We never talked before, but my brother knew him. He would always stare at me and smile.

Then, I never really saw him for a while.

Then all of the sudden I saw him and started liking him all over again. And then, it went back to the whole 'staring and smiling' thing again. Suddenly, I find out he just broke up with a girlfriend he had and he's ONLY 14! I also found out that this boy has already had a couple of girlfriends. It really hurts me that a LDS guy like him wouldn't following a prophet's teachings.

For me, I'm really strict on my standards, people always make fun of me for being modest and not dating yet. He's a really nice guy, my brother told me. Lately, I have been trying to get over this guy but I can't seem to. Should I give up on this guy? If so, how do I get over him? Am I too young to be worrying about guys now? Thanks for your help, Bro Jo :)

-LDS girl

Dear LDSG,

This is going to sound harsh, but seriously! You're only 14! You've never dated this guy . . . he's not your boyfriend . . . there's nothing to "get over" or give up on.

You're not too young to like guys, that's OK.

But yeah, you are too young to be either burning bridges or worrying. The guy had a girlfriend. It's not like he was a lying, thieving, porn addict . . . I wouldn't refuse to ever dance with him at another Church Dance simply because he openly liked a girl that liked him back.

It's OK for you to like him. It's OK for you to think he's cute. It's OK to be at the same get-togethers and smile at him.

It's NOT a good idea to be his new girlfriend, so stay away from that.

Keep to your standards - you're doing the right thing!

When you're both 16, if he's not a bad guy, and he asks you to go on a Casual Group Date or two, by all means go.

Maybe your brother can be part of the group.

- Bro Jo

1 comment:

Sarah said...: I agree with Bro Jo on this one hundred percent!

Who knows what other define as a girl friend. It could be that he liked a girl and she liked him back. Besides, even if he did have a GF, he has 2 yrs to change and grow and get a testimony of the prophet's counsel. Either way, you have 2 years to be friends and share a smile with one another. Get to know each other at school or church activities. It's always nice to have another friend. You can NEVER have too many friends! ;); July 25, 2010 at 11:48 PM

Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

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Disclaimer

*This website is not affiliated with the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints, nor does it's author claim to write on behalf of the LDS Church.

for more information on The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints go to: http://www.mormon.org/

"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Friday, July 23, 2010

Keep Smilin'!

1 comment:

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