Cuties and Creepers

Dear Bro Jo:

My situation is unique. Here's some background information.

I am bring raised by a catholic father and an lds mother. Therefore, I am to be catholic until I turn 18 and then I may choose, until then church things have always been difficult. My father doesn't appreciate my faith in the church. So my young women activities are limited and I participate in seminary with great difficulty. Also, all this has cause me to have a primary level (sometimes not even that) understanding of certain concepts in the church.

The problem:

I am allowed to attend youth conference and last summer was my second one. At the dance we had a "Modest Mormon Prom" and I was having a good time.

A boy (A) kept asking me to dance and I wasn't going to tell him no, so we danced every time a slow song came on, with few exceptions. I later learned (as if that wasn't hint enough) that he was hitting on me (see what I mean?) . So the dilemma was that I was 8 months shy of 16 and he didn't understand the Dating Rule. Long story short, I figured out the hard way dating isn't the way to go when you're too young. Saying all of that, I don't have a real desire to date yet, seeing as I am still not 16.

 Now I love the boys in my ward, and everyone seems to think just a little too much. Their moms and sisters all love me, and I already see them as family. But there is another problem, I am an uncontrollable flirt. I don't even notice when I'm absent mindedly chewing my lip or twirling my hair, or laughing at every little joke. (The laughing isn't fair, they are genuinely funny!) I wasn't even aware until I brought a friend from school to a Halloween Carnival, that I have a flirting problem.

I have asked one boy (B) out of my ward to a school dance using the excuse that he is home schooled, when I really do actually like him.

But there's another boy (C) who I am very good friends with, but is a year younger, who my mother thinks is already her "Future Son." As disturbing as it is to have her voice this all the time, it's even worse when she speaks to his mother. He has Return Missionary Dating potential, but he's honestly just not my type though he's one of my best friends.

But yes BroJo there's one more. This boy (D) really likes me and "creeps" me on Facebook. He has my schedule memorized so he knows when to talk to me and is determined to date me when I do turn 16 and I'm running out of excuses with out having to be mean and flat out say "I don't like you, leave me alone." My friends (yes, boys) all over the stake have noticed his "interest" including Boy B, and are getting very protective. I have been trying to wait this out, seeing if he'll get distracted by some other pretty girl at his school but it's been going on four months strong.

 Boys B & C are getting upset and I can't quite figure out how to defuse the situation and yet make myself clear where Boy B is who I want to go on group dates with, Boy C is who I want to just be friends with (for now possibly) and Boy D just needs to leave me alone.

I don't know if there's some Super Secret Mormon Girl Code that I was supposed to follow but just missed out on the memo, but I need some help.

Signed,

The Catholic Flirt



Dear CF,

It has nothing to do with being Catholic, Mormon, or any other faith; it all comes down to girls and boys, and it's universal.

The only real differences between "Cuties" and "Creepers" is that you like one and not the other. (That's true for both guys and girls, by the way.)

Which means that your question really is "how do I tell a guy I don't like to stop harassing me", which is totally legitimate. And the answer is . . . wait for it . . . talk to him and be clear.

That doesn't mean to be cold, or mean. You still want to be nice (you never know when today's "Creeper" is tomorrow's wonderful guy); don't burn any bridges, but make sure he understands how you feel.

It goes something like this: "Hey, I'm hearing from several people that you kind of like me. I don't know if that's true or not. I do feel like you're stalking me too much on Facebook, and it's creeping me out. And, just so you and I are on the same page, I'm interested in someone else."

It will sting, but it's much better than him thinking he has a shot and wasting tons of time chasing you. If that's not blunt enough, and he really is being obnoxious, drop him as a Facebook friend, set your email server to automatically delete anything from him, don't take his calls or answer his texts.

If you're not clear, a guy is likely to hear anything you say as "try harder", and you don't want that.

Now, all of that said, please go read through "Bro Jo's Dating Rules for Teens".  Casual Group Dating is not a mask for having a boyfriend; don't just focus on one guy, mix it up!

Have fun,


- Bro Jo