Dear Bro Jo . . . : What if he doesn't ask?

Things to know

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Monday, February 21, 2011

What if he doesn't ask?

Dear Bro Jo,

I've changed a lot this fall, even my mom has noticed it, and I'm not the giddy, swooning type of crusher(?) anymore.

No, I'm definitely different.

There's a guy. He's prince charming material through and through, and we're GOOD friends, Bro Jo. He's always nice, never says an unkind word to me, in fact always builds me up, and never lets me feel bad about myself. He can make me smile and feel like the world has sunshine even on THE hardest days. He'll be 16 in less than a month, ('m already 16), and I'm not sure what to do if he doesn;t ask me out. Because there's this girl who everyone says he likes (except one good friend of mine), and who likes him. He always talks to me except when she's around. Sometimes then he'll just walk off with her and not even notice me.

I know I shouldn't care THAT much.

I'm more mature than that. But I'm afraid it'll hurt if he doesn't ask me, but does her in February after she turns 16. I'm a senior and he's a sophomore. And so I know there's probably no future together or anything, but I really love him Bro Jo. With a quiet, patient, love. I'm willing to wait. But I don't want to get hurt. What do I do to get over it if he does't ask me out??

--Clipping my nails, but only because I don't gnaw at them.

Dear Clipping,

Love him? Love him?!?

Are you kidding me???

With all due respect, you may be feeling many things, but love ain't one of them.

I think you need to take a step back, perhaps read out loud what you wrote. You don't think you're the swooning crusher type, but you're afraid that you'll be deeply hurt if some 16-year old guy asks out another girl instead of you . . . I'm sorry, but I don't think you're nearly as mature as you seem to think you are.

Breathe.

And give him room to do the same.

- Bro Jo

3 comments:

Priest Family - Laura said...: wait until you move beyond high school and enter college, where hopefully there will be plenty of YSA's. You'll see there are many many many great people out there - this guy isn't the only one. There is SO much more to life beyond high school that many don't realize. Don't get stuck here.; February 21, 2011 at 8:33 AM
Bailey said...: So true. I liked a guy in my ward for four years, move out here to college, and now I don't even think twice about him. I know it's a cliche statement, but really, there are plenty of fish in the sea. It'll be hard, but you can do hard things :); February 21, 2011 at 10:10 AM
J-Dawg Fluffy said...: Hey, If he asks out the other girl, and they end up "exclusive" (which is likely to happen if they confess emotions for each other,) than they likely won't last very long, and a bitter breakup with ensue, and they ultimately won't end up together when it really counts.; February 21, 2011 at 2:41 PM

Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

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for more information on The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints go to: http://www.mormon.org/

"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Monday, February 21, 2011

What if he doesn't ask?

3 comments:

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