Was it a date? Or not?

Dear Bro Jo,

So there’s this guy in my ward that for the past 3 months has been showing me a lot of attention. Every time I see him, he comes up to me and talks with me, sits with me in church, being really sweet with me, etc. He’ll talk to other girls in the ward but I never feel like he is paying attention to them in the same way. He’s been paying attention to me to the point where a few people have even asked if I’m interested in him. There’s been a lot of mutual flirting going on and I’ve become interested in him.

We hadn’t gone out yet and I hadn’t given him an indication that I wanted to go out with him, so about a week and a half ago he was leaving on a trip and so I suggested that he take me out to dinner when he got back so I could hear about his trip. He was very responsive about it and asked if I could come pick him up from the airport so we could go to dinner. So last night, I picked him up from the airport and the place he picked to go to dinner was a place he hadn’t been to before and was closing early which made the dinner very rushed.

As we were sitting there eating, he asked me if I saw a cute guy if I would approach him, like if I was on a bus or something and saw someone cute. Anyways, in the midst of this, he mentioned that there was a girl on his plane that was pretty attractive. So then I was completely thrown off and the rest of the night was really off for me.

So now I’m completely confused. Do I say anything to him? I’m not sure if he was trying to get some sort of conversation about dating going and it went horribly wrong or if he was trying to tell me he just wants to be friends. I was so thrown off because he seemed so into me. In some ways I think I need to tell him that it bothered me so doesn’t think I’m okay with him talking about other girls and being his buddy, but I don’t want to sound too demanding since we aren’t dating. I want to be able to say that I think he’s a really nice guy that I’d be interested in dating, but I just don’t want to continue my interest if what he is looking for is a buddy. I don’t know if he’s not interested or if he just got nervous and put his foot in his mouth.

More than likely, the next time I see him, it’ll be at church and so I don’t want it to be too lengthy. Just so I can address it, so he knows where I’m at and how I felt about it. I don’t know if I’ve been clear enough that I’m interested since up til now, he’s been the one showing most of the attention. It didn’t help either that it threw the whole night off and I don’t think I acted interested enough on the date.

I kind of want a plan of attack for church on Sunday because he always sits with me in Sunday School. Also, we are both over 30 if that helps at all in your advice.
PS…if you publish this, can you change my name and the details enough so he doesn’t stumble across it at some point on the internet and know it’s talking about him.

- Wanting to be prepared


Dear Girl Scout,

Yes, I'll change the details.

Let me ask: did he pay for dinner?

And what happened when you dropped him off at home?

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks for your speedy response.

Yes, he suggested picked the day, paid for dinner but I drove because I picked him up from the airport. So when I dropped him off I just pulled up at his door and let him get out. I didn't get out of the car. I was polite and thanked him for dinner but no goodnight hug after his comment about the girl on the plane.

- Girl Scout



Dear Girl Scout,

You know, we often spend hours of frustration wondering where we stand in our relationships and potential relationships . . . all of which could be eliminated by a little communication.

If I had said what this guy did at the time he did, I might have been looking to you for some kind of confirmation that you're interested in me.

I know we've missed the Sunday School window because of the timing of my response, but all is not lost. I think you need to come out and tell him how you interpreted his comment. I'm with you, except for the fact that you picked him up at the airport, it was a date.

For future reference, the correct response to his question about whether or not you'd approach a cute guy would have been "well . . . I don't know, but I might ask him to take me to dinner and tell me about his recent trip . . ." and it wouldn't have hurt for you to wink or touch his hand or arm when you said it.

- Bro Jo