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Wednesday, February 29, 2012

How Does He Get to Know Her Better?

G'day Bro Jo,

I know you're probably sick of hearing from me, but let's face it, you're the best in the field for advice :)

It goes something like this- I'm 17, she's 15. I'd like to get to know her better, but I get she's not dating age- fair enough. She turns 16 a matter of days (literally) after I turn 18 in six-month’s time. Doing the math (which I hate, for the record), by the time I return from my mission she'll be 18.

Basically it comes down to this:
- am I aiming too low in terms of age,
- is there any alternative to dating where I can still get to know her better,
- by the time she's dating age, will I be too old and better leaving it for post-mission, and
- am I just wasting my time trying to get to know a girl younger than me?

Thanks,

Thunder Child



Dear Thunder,

Well I don't know about best . . . but thank you.

I don't think there's anything wrong with an 18-year old guy dating a girl who just turned 16, especially if both are still in school. I do, though, think it's a stretch for a guy who's graduated high school to still be dating a girl who's got a year or more to go. (See the difference?)

It's never a waste of time to get to know any girl better, especially if she's going to be a good dating choice when you come home from the mission. Lay the groundwork now. Talk to her, find out what she's like. Laugh and have a good time. Treat her with the respect that a daughter of God deserves.

- Bro Jo




G'day Bro Jo,

Question is though, how do I get to speak to her? I can't ask her on a date- that's clear. We live in different stakes and see each other once every three months or so. Would it be wrong to use Facebook? Get a mobile number?

Sorry if I sound like more of a problem finder than a problem solver, but I don't want to "bugger" this one up, as we say over here.

Thanks,

Thunder Child




Dear Thunder,

If you've already met and talked a couple times, then Facebook is okay. Calling is better. Hand written letters even better than that.

If you don't know her at all, then your best bet is a multi-stake activity (like a dance or game night) and hope that she shows.

Anyone can plan a multi-stake activity.

- Bro Jo

4 comments:

Peter and Molly said...

I love letters, I think they're great, and maybe the culture is different enough where Thunder is from that they'd be okay, but the way letters are perceived now is that they're "creepy" or "over the top." Save a letter for something special with someone you already really know well. There are so many forms of less formal communication these days, that a letter says that you're too serious about life and about the person you're writing to. You don't need that kind of trouble now.

Dave Johnston said...

A letter need not be a novel or 14-page love-sonnet; the perception of "creepy" or "over-the-top" will depend on the length, casualness of the content, and whether or not the receiver has any interest in you.

As we've noted in the column before, the difference between "creeper" and "cutie pie" has a lot to do with whether or not the labeler finds that person attractive; especially if the labeler is a girl.

A one-page "how are you doing, this is what I'm up to letter" that doesn't prematurely profess one's undying love is a great step in getting to know someone better.

I highly recommend it.

- Bro Jo

Anonymous said...

I don't know. The only times I've received written letters were when the guy was seriously interested in me, so if I received a letter from a guy like that I'd be at least a little weirded out regardless of how attractive I find him.

Anonymous said...

I think its true what Bro. Jo said. If you get a letter from a guy you like, he's thoughtful, nice, and sweet. If you get a letter from a guy you don't like, he's weird, creepy, and a stalker.