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Wednesday, October 10, 2012

Jealousy and Drama in the Single's Branch

Dear Bro Jo, 

So the Single's Branch here is fairly small, and the majority of the people are 23-24 and up. They will not let most of us younger ones (18 -20) even try to become their friend.

At least, not me.

I found out through a friend that the older people think I'm immature and seem to think that I'm always talking negatively about guys in general.

That is not true (at least the second part).

Besides, I'm only 18, so they should cut me some slack. I swear, the branch gossips more than High Schoolers!

I don't entirely know what I'm asking here.

Maybe how to deal with it or to help them understand. Something that bugs me is that most of them act really negatively and immaturely, and yet they're saying it's me. Maybe they think I'm negative, when really, I just feel like I don't belong. At all.

Why is it that the older ones are so unforgiving and don't try to understand why I am the way I am?

I'm just rambling and ranting.


 - The Younger Sister

 Dear Younger Sister,

Well . . . your letter isn't exactly dripping with Christian maturity . . . ;)

Look, sometimes in a YSA ward the "older" (23+) girls get really freaked out and jealous of the "new girls". For the obvious reasons.

You can't do too much about that and probably shouldn't.

It's not your fault that they're not married and approaching 30 (be nice though, it may not be entirely their fault, either), or that the guy they think should be theirs is now interested in you and all the other new (and younger) girls.

[Side note: I can make a pretty strong argument that their negativity, cliquishness and backbiting have a little to do with their lack of marriage proposals.]

You're entitled the occasional rant and ramble. What you're not entitled to is allowing the attitudes and problems of others to be your excuse for not being a happy, positive, upbeat and sustaining force within the circles you travel.

As you serve and lift others you'll feel better. I promise. Kill them with kindness. Sincere kindness.

Go out with any decent guy that asks, regardless of who may have a crush on him. And if you find yourself in the same boat four years from now, resolve not to treat the new girls the way you've been treated.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you. I really appreciate that you didn't basically say I'm a terrible person, and I'm grateful for the advice. It's probably the most helpful I've found anywhere.

In the branch I go to, it's like I can't do anything without someone judging me and telling me I'm always doing something wrong. They don't even know any of what I've told you either. It's harder to trust people who are always talking trash about everyone else all the time, and gossip spreads like wildfire here.

Once again, thank you.

It's nice to be able to talk to someone. Especially when all everyone else ever seems to see are the flaws.

- The Younger Sister

Dear Younger Sister,

Gossip, and the fear of it, is one of Satan's biggest tools. As difficult as it is, and I agree it can be very daunting, we can't let our concerns over the opinions of others keep us from the love of the Savior.

- Bro Jo


Megan said...

It's weird that the younger girls in the ward are being treated bad because it seems to be the opposite everywhere I go.

I think that cliques are everywhere you go, but a good ward is cliques that intermingle and respect each other.

Christopher Cunningham said...

My experience in the single's ward was that I was so obsessed about being left out that I viewed myself as the one lost sheep, and kept wondering why no one would come and find me. I forget who was speaking, but I realized one day that as long as I was waiting for someone to find me, I was not out finding the others in the ward who were being left out. As soon as I changed my perspective, I discovered a wealth of friends.