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Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Rude Dude or Mixed Signals?

Dear, Bro Jo,

I love reading your advice and was hoping you could help me out with some problems of my own.

I have liked this guy on and off for the past couple of years, and at one point the feeling was mutual.

Now as we have gotten a little older he has started to become interested in other girls and rarely pay any attention to me.

Sometimes he is outwardly rude to me in public, and when we get in a smaller group he becomes more of a gentleman and is way more sincere.

For example we will be at a party and he will offer me some punch or offer to get me some refreshments and then the next minute he will ignore me and pretend I don’t exist.

I was wondering if you could help me try and figure out how to read his mixed signals.

Thank you.

Signed Crazy and Confused



 Dear Confused,

You don't mention your age, which may be important; if you're in high school this may be more an issue of you wanting something that isn't there than him sending mixed signals (drama drama drama); if you're a Young Single adult it could be that, or you could be confusing him being nice with what you really want him to be, or it could be that he likes you and doesn't know what to do; if you're an older Single Adult then he definitely likes you, has no idea what to do, and is his own roadblock to why he's still single, the dummy. 

Either way, I say if it bothers you, talk to him.

Don't be defensive or confrontational.

Don't back him into a corner.

Just say "hey, I probably should have mentioned this before, but I feel confused when people are nice and then they ignore me or are rude to me in public; I'm not sure what to think or how to feel".

Notice that you need to avoid the word "you" - that will put him on the defensive. If he feels attacked you won't get a sincere answer.

If he asks you for examples, give one, but again, be benign. If he asks if it's him, you can say "well . . . maybe; I don't want you to feel like I'm attacking you".

Get it?

We have no right to complain about the actions or inactions of others if we've never talked to them about them.

Let us know how it goes.

 - Bro Jo

4 comments:

Amberlie said...

This sounds familiar. Have you already posted something like this?

Dave Johnston said...

That's totally possible, Amberlie. Sometimes I fail to mark items as "previously posted" and then end up coming up again.

- Bro Jo

BananaSplit said...

Yep this one's been on before.It was a few weeks, maybe even a month. Hey BroJo! I found out last night that one of my good friends (female, 18) knows you as in her parents know you from your younger days. I heard you were Peter Pan at Disneyland.

Dave Johnston said...

Thanks for the heads' up on the duplication both of you.

@ BananaSplit - you'll have to send me an email (dearbrojo@gmail.com) and let me know whom!

As for the Peter Pan thing . . . if you want to see a picture they ran one as part of the 'Get to know . . .' series that my publisher did a couple years ago.

Here's the link -> http://walnutspringspress.blogspot.com/2010/10/get-to-know-you-monday-dave-johnston.html

Be prepared to laugh!