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Wednesday, March 6, 2013

He's Worried She's Becoming His Girlfriend - Part 1


What follows it the first in a 2-part series.  The second part will run next week.  


- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Hey so I emailed you awhile back about this girl and been talking a lot not just text and we've become really great friends. We are still going on causal group dates but then also hanging out a lot but they're basically dates but we're with friends so it’s still not bad.

The way we talk we're implying more than just liking each other but it’s not bad stuff just saying how glad we are to be friends. She's really great and nice and stuff and I have a lot of fun when I'm around her.

Tuesday before school started up again after we had gone to the movies and then lunch and her car was parked at my house so we went back there and then we still wanted to hang out.

So we went inside but my mom wasn't there so she left which was good. Just saying because the next part is the problem...

So things are going good but her parents always get mad at her for little stupid things, and she isn't getting along with them for that.

Last night we were going to play KGB which is like hide and seek with cars with a bunch of people from my ward, but since she worked right before and it was late her parents didn't let her and she was pretty upset. 

So when she got done with work at like 9:30 she texts me stuff like "come save me" and stuff like that, we didn't do anything but still and then this morning she said she wanted me to sneak her out of her house but not really because she didn't want her parents to notice she was gone.

Ya kinda worrying but we've talked about not doing stuff like that but still.

And the other thing is I would've done it if she had said. I've already set my limits and my number one goal is going on a mission but all I want to do is spend time with her. We haven't really said that we're going out but we pretty much are. She also asked me to the upcoming girls’ choice winter ball, and that should be fun.

But seriously, what should I do?

Because we haven't done anything bad but last night could've been and that worries me.

- Worried

Dear Worried,

Is this Girl #1? The one that I said sounded too clingy and possessive???

Because I don't think that's the biggest part of the problem anymore.

Not only is she not hearing you when you express your concerns about the two of you becoming exclusive, not only is she using you to rebel against her parents, but she's actively trying to talk you into things you know you ought not be doing. Something is going on with her . . . I have no idea what it is, but there's a hole in her life, real or imagined I'm not sure, and she's using you to fill it.

You can already feel the Spirit warning you; I know you can.

But your attraction to her (which I'm sure is understandable) is making that voice harder to hear.

It's not that she's a bad person, not at all, but . . . I don't know, pal, I still feel a Big Red Flag here . . . 

You've got to set some ground rules, like:

     1. No more texting or phone calls after 8pm

     2. Absolutely no sneaking her out of her house

     3. And no Alone Time. Zero. Not anywhere, not any time of day. Not even just to give her a short ride from here to there.

Here we call "KGB" "Dragnet", and it is a lot of fun . . . but this girl concerns me enough that if she ever does get to go play, I think you need to make sure you and she aren't either hiding together or in a car, just the two of you, looking for others. (By the way, here they play with one or two "cops" on bicycles, in addition to the cars, and it’s the bikers that make it much more difficult to not get caught.)

Honestly, I think you need to tell your parents of your concerns; not to freak them out, but so someone has your back. I know you like feeling needed by her, but I've seen stuff like this . . . a lot, and often the person in the "relationship" (which this is, whether you two have said it out-loud or not) who’s acting like she is (guys do it, too) flips out. If it gets worse, you could find her making up stories, breaking up with you, accusing you of things . . . all just to manipulate you. And the longer you stay with her before you two officially "break up", the more horrific it could be (even if it's "her idea" that you separate).

You say you're going on "Casual Group Dates", but are each of you also dating other people?

Are you following the rules?

Do you go on at least two dates with girls who aren't her before going out with her again?

Because if you're not, you may find that you've stepped in some quicksand, and the more you struggle to get out, the more you'll get sucked under.

In those traps, the only way to get free is with help, and your parents are the best choice. Good luck, and keep me posted,

- Bro Jo

PS: You should check out Bro Jo’s HOW a GUY CAN AVOID THE "BOYFRIEND DELIMA" - DO’S and DON’TS

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