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Wednesday, March 13, 2013

He's Worried She's Becoming His Girlfriend - Part 2


What follows it the second in a 2-part series.  The first part ran last week.  

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thanks for helping me out again and giving me advice.

First off, yes this is Girl #1, and we never actually said we wouldn't do stuff like that, but that might be a good rule...

And she wasn't trying to talk me into it because she said she wasn't really serious, the reason I mentioned it was because even though she didn't really like try to make it happen she still said it.

The reason she says she had a boyfriend at age 15 she said was because people who she thought were friends would tell her things like she wasn't pretty and wasn't fun to be around and that made her really sad. 

And so when a boy came around who she liked and who liked her more than her really popular best friend, she really liked it because he would tell her that she was pretty and all the things people had said she wasn't. 

After she told me this I told her that she didn't need some guy to tell her that she was pretty for it to be true. 

So in all honesty I told her that she was pretty and fun to be around, but it shouldn't matter if I thought that or anyone else.

She also explained about her parents and that she knows that even though they argue a lot and it’s not always fair, she still knows that they love her and she doesn't want to purposefully bad but just that she didn't agree with them. You said I liked feeling needed by her, in my mind I don't think I do.

But maybe you are right and deep down I do, but honestly if there was a better person that could make her happy and would be better for her than me I told her that I shouldn't hold her back and she should go for it. We also talked about her "Dear Johning me" on my mission and I told her that I really didn't want that to happen but if she found someone better again to go for it.

I just want her to be happy because she's felt really sad for a long time. I really like being with her and would potentially want to spend the rest of my life with her, but when on my mission and in high school she should still go on dates and stuff like that when the opportunity arises so she can meet new people.

We've been on three official group dates and on each there’s been at least one other couple there, and for me I've been on at least three dates in between. I can't speak for her because I don't think she’s been on any other dates with people that aren't me but the dates are at least a month apart which is her parents rule so I think that’s ok (correct me if I’m wrong).

With the upcoming Winter Ball I'm going to break the rule a little bit because I don't think I’ll be able to go one two or three dates by the 28th (I've done it before but it's not likely to happen again).

Thanks for the advice and I'll keep the things you've said in mind.

- Worried

Dear Worried,

Trust your instincts (that's called Listening to the Promptings of the Spirit).

And Be Careful to not let feelings of Guilt or Pity entice you to doing, saying, or promising things that you ought not do or say.

We all like to feel needed and appreciated, but I think we run some pretty serious risks when we set aside our standards or righteous plans (especially with relationships) to placate those feelings.

I'm not saying that the feelings you have for her are wrong . . .great relationships can be built on a mutual desire to serve and sustain the other person, to put their needs ahead of your own . . . so long as they're doing the same thing for you . . . to an extent, anyway.

But the timing is too soon.

Have fun. Continue Casual Group Dating.  And that means to keep things as Drama Free between the two of you as possible.

- Bro Jo

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