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Wednesday, May 1, 2013

Cheesy Wednesdays: The Ex-Ex Boyfriend

[Dear Readers,

Welcome to another episode of Cheesy Wednesdays, where we follow one reader's forays and foibles though the world of LDS Teen Dating.

I've posted several letters from Cheese (and her friend, Mac) over the years; in fact, you can find them by clicking the "Cheese" Label on the side, but it's been a while so I'm going to be posting several of them over the next few Wednesdays.


Bro Jo]

Dear bro Jo,

I meant to respond sooner, but I just didn't.

I no longer have an ex-boyfriend.

After a week and a few days we got back together.

I had gone on 2 casual group dates and all I felt like I wanted was to be back with him.

The 2 dates sucked big time!

One was with a guy who just wanted to find a dark corner to make out in, and the other was with a total jerk (this one deserves it's own email, more on it later, it's kinda a funny story).

I hadn't talked to ExB much during the broken up period, but he talked to my mom.

I tried not to think about anything he said, but mama cheese would occasionally make a comment on how he was sad, or he missed me, and it really just made me want to be with him more.

I started to talk to him, we got back together.

Mama Cheese found out within 30 minutes. She claims I seemed happier then I had been since I dumped him.

Daddy Cheese also noticed I was happier as soon as I got back with him, but he thinks I am finally feeling better about the breakup.

I know being back with him can't be the right thing though, if it were I wouldn't feel so scared to tell DC, right?

I also keep remembering that feeling I had before I dumped him.

We have decided I will still go on Casual Group Dates with other boys.  I have been on two since we got back together. They were a lot of fun, and fairly uneventful, which is good.

I feel so happy to be with him. It is amazing!

I love how he makes me want to be a better person, I love how well our personalities compliment each other so well.

I am glad he is being so patient with me and my imperfections.

I wonder if being with him is really the right thing . . .

I'm young, I know I shouldn't have a BF at this point in my life.

I feel so lost because any time I talk to MC she encourages our relationship. She is thrilled I got back together with him.

DC freaks out any time I hint I may still have feeling for him. He wants me far away from him.

I only get the extremes.

What are your thoughts on all this?

- Cheese

Dear Cheese,

So you're going on Casual Group Dates, but not with your Boyfriend.

You feel like you shouldn't have a Boyfriend, but being this Guy's Girlfriend makes you feel good.

And you're hiding this "relationship" from your father.

Does that about sum it up?

Let me ask, how would you define the time you spend with this guy?

What's the context and frequency?

And what's going to happen if you kiss one of your other CGDs goodnight?

- Bro Jo


Anonymous said...

Sounds like a confused girl that just got out of high school...drives boys nuts. She should meet and date guys across the street from BYU at Provo High School since they're around the same dating maturity level.

Laura said...

Oh goodness, drama drama drama! I would highly recommend to Cheese that she step out of her own shoes for a while, perhaps for a good year. I'm being totally honest. Over the next year, make it a goal to try and imagine things from somebody else's perspective. Like your father's, your mother's, your boyfriend's (assuming she's still with him), a teacher's, your dates', Heavenly Father's.
I suggest this because she keeps mentioning that she only gets 'extremes'. It may appear to her to be that way, but I *highly* doubt that it is really all that extreme. Tell me if I'm wrong, but I doubt that her father "freaks out" at the mere mention of his daughter's feelings.
See definition here:

Possibly very concerned over his teenage daughter's emotions and relationships? Yes. But please tell me if I'm wrong!! From what I can tell (based on the many, many letters of hers I have read that are posted on this site), he does have a bit of a drama queen on his hands. I would be a fairly concerned parent, too!

Look. I know the extremes and drama are attractive. I was a teenage girl not all that long ago! I remember. It makes life exciting. (well, I actually found it to be more exhausting than exciting.)

Find some peace. Pray always. Remember that the Lord is on your side, He is there to lift you up and support you. Though your troubles seem big, the Lord has gone through it ALL. Be still.

The gospel teaches us to stay away from extremes in things such as our food consumption, bodily piercings, hair styles, music that we listen to, activities we are involved in. We are counseled to be wise in our choices and actions. We are representatives of Christ, and as such we must strive to live as He lived.
I promise that as you work to calm things down, your heart and mind will be more receptive to the promptings of the Holy Ghost. One of the names we give Christ is the Prince of Peace. I know we live in a corrupt world and peace is impossible to obtain permanently on the outside, but we can still have peace in our hearts and minds.
So turn to our Heavenly Father in prayer. Let your heart spill out to Him. He knows what you want, and he also knows what you need. Seek for what your Father knows you need. Search the scriptures. Give some focus to the big picture. As you do that and STUDY these things, you will be able to make more choices now that will help you get to where you want to be 5, 10, 20, 50 years down the road. Life is gonna start going way too fast way too soon.

So calm down, be still, and know that God is there. :)

Anonymous said...

Boyfriend sounds like more of a "friend with benefits" and that's no good for Cheese's self-respect.

Anonymous said...

I thought the point of having a boyfriend was to be with that person and not date around. Correct me if I'm wrong.
I think cheese's boyfriend sounds more like "the guy you have a crush on and he likes you but your not together."
So pretty much friends with benefits LDS style. So maybe it would be a good idea for cheese to talk up front with her bf and tell him that she is dating around and that they aren't bf and gf because that's "supposed" to be exclusive, but that they can still go out on dates.
*hopefully this is making sense* and with that thought, I think I am done for now