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Friday, May 10, 2013

Is He Too Conceited to be Good?

Dear Bro Jo....

Soooo, I have this situation...and I'm not quite sure how to handle it.

I'm 26 and I work at a gym.

This guy (24) who is looking into switching to my ward from his ward works out at it. He is gorgeous!

You know...piercing blue eyes, built body, long eye lashes and dark hair...anything that can make a girl swoon. Haha...well, at least me.

Well....he came up and started talking to me the other day while I was at work and then when I got off we talked for another hour until the gym closed. He then asked for my number and text me later that night saying he enjoyed talking to me.

We then text some more and then he asked me if I’d like to go out sometime. Well, that’s a no brainer. OF COURSE I said yes!


He then asked if he could call he did and we were on the phone for about an hour and a half. He text me the next morning to see what I was doing and told me what time he was coming to work out. I told him I wouldn't be there when he came and so he said he just might have to come in earlier then. He then text me later that evening and then asked what I was doing.

Well, I had been running around all day since 4 and it was like 9 pm and so I said I was staying home and watching a movie. He told me what he was doing and then...(I bad) I invited him over to play card games and watch a movie.

Totally wrong move on my part..cuz one, I hate "hanging out" and does he...haha. well he came over and started talking about himself and showing me pics of himself and the whole night it was about him and how he's going to get set up with this girl and that so and so didn’t' give him her number, etc. tried to ask him questions getting to know him and hoping he would catch on and do the same, but he didn't. in fact a lot of the time when I tried to engage myself in the convo and ask him a question he quickly blew it off and was like "oh, I don't know" or he would just give me short, he was always on his phone which was WAY annoying...he talked a lot about himself when I first met him, but I thought nothing of it.

He told me he doesn't have a lot of friends and that he gets dumped or rejected a lot.

He said girls tell him he’s too into himself.

Well, I’m starting to think the same thing.

Anyways....sorry this is sooo long. but, he text me today and just said I responded about 15 mins later when I could cuz I was at work and he totally ignored my text. I went to work out tonight and he’s normally there every I txt him to give him a hard time about not being there...and he's totally ignoring me.

What the crap?!?

What kind of guy who says he has been raised right (which is exactly what he told me the first night I met him) asks a girl on a date and then talks about himself non-stop even though he says he’s not cocky and talks about getting other girls numbers?

I am totally lost and a little peeved about it.

What do I do?

I need help.

p.s. he’s divorced and apparently well established because he can't stop talking about it....please help!


A Little Peeved

Dear Peeved, 


Congratulations; you're in the friend zone.

(Or at least being held in "back up" status".)

And I think you should be grateful you dodged a bullet here.  It seems like this time that mistake may have saved you some time.

 Anyone who keeps trying to sell you on how great they are . . . isn't. (This guy wins the "King of Insecurity" prize.)

You have one shot to help him, but you're going to have to take it right away; you need to tell him, and you're going to have to be blunt.

"Hey. Buddy. Before you say another word I need to tell you that you're really turning me off. Every time you open your mouth all I hear is how wonderful you think you are. It's pathetic, obnoxious, and irritating. I already agreed to go out with you; I like you, but the self-importance and bragging isn't talking me into you, it's talking me out of you. Let me give you a little tip: when you're spending time with someone, try showing more interest in them than in yourself. Now, would you like to start over or are we done?" 

Anything less than an apology and plea to start over from him, and you know you're done and it's time to move on. And, believe me, if you're not this direct, it's not going to stop.

The dude lost a marriage and didn't clue in; subtlety is not in his profile.

If he's a smart guy (and I have my doubts), he'll clue in and make an effort. That could be very good for you.

If he's not a smart guy, you'll know right away.

That could be good for you, too.

Take it from a guy that dated actresses, dancers and models: pretty isn't enough.

Sister Jo is the most beautiful woman I've ever seen, but more than her sexiness (and she is that), she's beautiful because of her service to others, her forth rightness in the Gospel, her wit, her intelligence, and her courage. I love to kiss her, but I would skip a month of kisses before I'd have a day without conversation. Hope for the best, expect the worst. Let me know how the conversation goes.

Don't delay the talk.

 - Bro Jo

PS:  Try being a little less superficial, friend.  There's lots of Great Guys out there that may not be Adonis, but have Much More to Offer.


Anonymous said...

This guys sounds like a real winner.

And fyi... there are actresses, dancers, and models out there who get really sick of people acting like all they are is a pretty face. Can you tell I'm one of them? Ha. Be careful with that stereotype - I've met plenty of great guys who assume I wouldn't be into them because of it. But that's a whole different post.

Dave Johnston said...

No one said that ALL actresses, dancers and models are nothing but a pretty face.

What I said was that "pretty" (whatever that means) is not enough.

And while I agree that stereotyping scares some people away, that axiom is true on all fronts.

(See the associated comment about Sister Jo in the original post above, who, by the way, was all of the above. And still is.)

- Bro Jo

Megan said...

Sometimes, they can be this way and not be that attractive. There is this guy that I've known and have been on 2 dates with. First of all, he's not attractive to me. He's unhealthily overweight. That would be fine if he was not so self centered. All of the dates I've been on with him, he only talked about himself and how great he is about this and that. He would ask me questions, but then go straight back into himself. Obviously, we haven't been on any other dates. My sister then dated him and got the same impression and broke things off. We then started noticing more and more of him complaining about how superficial girls are and has something negative to say about anyone. It doesn't matter to me what a guy looks like, but if they don't show any interest in me, I'm done being interested.

Amberlie Shaffer said...

It sounds like this guy is just being manipulative, more or less like Bro Jo said.

Think of it:
attractive guy shows interest in girl. They hit it off
attractive guy makes plans to see this girl
girl is interested in attractive guy
attractive guy is apparently awesome and talented (and self-centered)
then he pulls the pity card, which would make her feel guilty if she also rejected him because he's self-centered.

And then! My favorite part!!
attractive guy ignores girl, making her think, "If he's so into himself and worried that I'm going to drop him like everyone else does, why is he dropping me? What's wrong with me?" which makes her want to prove to him that she has value, because obviously he doesn't see it, just like anyone would if they felt rejected like that.

and BAM
he's exploited her insecurities, and now she's a fail-safe. A fall-back.

girls do this to guys, too! It's really not fair. And anyone who tries to manipulate others is not worth the time or the effort.

Anonymous said...

This is so true, not to generalize but I've see that soo many times when an attractive guy asks a girl out and then makes you feel special. Then when the real person comes out you get the pity thing, it's so unattractive! Especially when you get the 'you won't hurt me will you?'. It's so off putting. I know all guys aren't that confident, but it is such an attractive quality to have but over confidence has the opposite effect!