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Monday, May 20, 2013

Should She Share Details of Her Repentance with Her Boyfriend?

Dear Bro Jo,

I am 21 and am madly in love with my boyfriend. Imagining life without him is rather painful, but there are some things I'm confused about that have been on my mind.

I used to have some "mild" chastity problems with masturbation. I say "mild" because I never advanced to anything (details withheld), but I know that even that is beyond what I should've been doing.

I suffered for it (boy, did I suffer), I repented, and now I feel like an amazing new person; I truly feel forgiven and I haven't had a problem with it since, even in the slightest of ways, I'm not even tempted.

But I never told anyone.

I've never felt the need to (again, I really do feel forgiven and it feels amazing), but I'm wondering if this is something I should tell my BF or if it really isn't necessary.

Should I tell him?

On a related note... We are pretty serious and as such we do engage in passionate kissing, but oddly enough I never feel aroused.

I love him, and I love kissing (and hugging and cuddling) him, but still...I read on your blog about people who get a little too aroused but I get nothing.

I know before I repented I would have, but now holding off until marriage seems so matter-of-fact to me it's like disobeying the law of chastity isn't even physically an option. Waiting is just how it is and that's how it's going to be.

At first I thought this was a good thing, but now I'm wondering...is that a bad thing?

If I love him so much, shouldn't it be hard to keep off of him?

Shouldn't I be tempted to go further than what's right?

Why don't I?

Sorry if these are weird questions, but I don't know what to do!

Signed,

- Am I Weird?




Dear Bro Jo,

Disregard the second part of that if you would...I'm still curious about my first question though.

Thanks!

- Am I Weird?




Dear Sister,

No. I don't see any point in telling him. It's a past sin that's been repented of, has no bearing on your current or future relationship, and right now he's only your "boyfriend".

If at some point in the future, when you're much closer to engagement, you feel PROMPTED to share your story with him, then I say follow that prompting. (He should be asking questions at that point along those lines, especially if he's been reading "Bro Jo's LIST of STUFF YOU NEED to KNOW BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED".)

But not now.

And for your "second questions", which I'm going to answer anyway, I'd say that not being tempted to violate the law of chastity is a blessing, not a concern.

Loving someone doesn't mean that you can't keep your hands off them . . . just so you know.

And I wouldn't worried about "being aroused"; the way you describe how you feel about kissing and hugging him, I think you're aroused enough.

- Bro Jo

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