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Friday, May 17, 2013

How Does She Start Over?

Dear Bro Jo Hi,

Just been reading your blog and I'm after some advice.

My parents are both converts but I was brought up in the Church. I haven't always been active.

I started to get mixed up with the wrong crowd, drink, boys etc.. Long story short, I started having sex, with many different boys.

After a while my parents found out; they were so disappointed as you can imagine.

I realized what I did was wrong and I made an appointment to speak with the branch president. I started the process of repentance and tried to make my life better.

A few months later I moved away for work. There was a guy there...

We started getting along and one thing led to another.  I had sex with him.

Months later I fell pregnant.

Unknown to me, at that point of me falling pregnant, my boyfriend was seeing another girl behind my back.

The girl he was seeing was also pregnant, (not his baby though, somebody else's) so I decided I was going to tell my parents and hopefully move back home with them.

I was too afraid to tell my parents I was pregnant so I rang my dad’s mate who I asked to tell them.

Luckily enough, my parents were quite supportive and came to pick me up and take me home with them. 

Months later I had my daughter.

Her dad doesn't want anything to do with her so I'm bringing her up as a single parent.

I am slowly trying to rebuild my life and get back into Church but I won't lie, it's very hard!!

I'm just after a bit of advice as to going back to Church, relationships with guys now I am a mum etc... 



Dear Mum,

It matters where we've been, but it matters much more where we are now.

The most important things in your life should be your relationships with your Savior and your family; those things are forever.

Some people at Church may not be as welcoming and Christian as they should be, but most will.

Find some Good, Supportive Church friends that won't judge you for your past transgressions, but will love, sustain and encourage you as you move forward.

And be very careful not to rush into any more relationships, sexual or otherwise.

Eventually you'll find a Good Man who will love, honor and cherish you; he'll be a worthy priesthood holder and a faithful eternal companion.

He may not be an Adonis, but he'll have all of the qualities that really matter. He'll love and respect you, and you'll know that because he won't even consider having sex with you until you're married.

Remember that "no man will love a woman he doesn't respect, and you can't respect someone who doesn't respect themselves".

When we chose to have sex outside of the commitments of marriage, we lose our self-respect and the respect of the person we're involved with (even if they're "professing their love").

If you want such a man in your life, you'll need to be patient.

Slow down your romances.

Take a breath.

And put your child first. 

When you think you might have found a great guy, be sure he passes the tests of Bro Jo's "Five A's of Why NOT to Marry That Person and Bro Jo’s "LIST of STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW TO BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED

The road you're traveling has bumps and turns, but the blessings along the way will be huge.

As the Spirit more regularly comes into your life, as you mend your relationship with God, you'll know joy, real joy, often.

No one's life is easy, and you're not alone.

The destination is worth the hardships along the way.

I promise.

And I'm proud of you!  It's hard to pick up and start over in the face of certain scrutiny and adversity . . . but in that adversity the Lord Blesses us.  Don't Give Up!

Hang in there!

Don't let the negative opinions and "judgement" of others keep you from the Joy of The Lord.  Show your love of the Savior through your service to others.  Let your light shine through the darkness!

I promise that your daughter will be grateful for your hard work and commitment to her and to Christ.

God bless,

- Bro Jo


Laura said...

Good for you for really wanting this. Many people will let Satan hold onto them too long and will never feel like they can live up to Christ's standards again. The atonement is real and is for everybody. Never let Satan convince you otherwise. When in times of doubt, find a picture of the Savior, and study it. Ponder His life. Study the atonement in the scriptures. It will help you as you work to get back on your feet.

It will also give you the spirit you need to raise your daughter in a beautiful, loving home that the Spirit can dwell in.

Anonymous said...

Along with that, I recommend that you look to date single fathers or divorced guys. You might have a better chance with them than with young single adult guys who have never married and who (understandably so) may prefer dating/marrying single girls than jumping from single to immediately becoming a father the day they're married. They shouldn't judge you, but don't become discouraged and critical of them if they may not want to date you. I'm sure you'll find a great guy who's gone through rough patches in life like you and you'll do well together.