Cheesy Wednesdays: Writing Missionaries (and Bro Jo Talks about Missions, Marriage and Being Prepared)

Dear Bro Jo,

I have a bit of a dilemma. I have been corresponding with a missionary from time to time . . .

Don't worry, it's all supportive, friendly, uplifting stuff. :)

I recently received a quite lengthy (10 pages!), and still totally appropriate, letter from him, which was nice, and after a few weeks had passed sent a reply. (My reply was mailed yesterday.)

Then I was happily surprised to get a care package containing another letter from him & his companion today.

I want to write him a thank-you note, but sending two letters in two days seems...obnoxious.

I don't want to be one of those horrible "distraction girls."

I know everything's on the up & up with these particular elders.

They're definitely not romantically interested or anything like that. They're totally focused on the work, as they should be.

So this is awkward!

Do I go ahead and send a thank-you note even though I just wrote a letter yesterday?

Or does that make me seem creepy and stalkerish?

If I should wait some "respectable" length of time, how long should that be?

Love,

- Cheese




Dear Cheese,

A thank you note is appropriate, and if it's really short it would be okay to send it soon.

Sister Jo and I agree that waiting a week or so to send it would be okay as well.

The key, as you've alluded to, is to not be a distraction.  That means, as you're doing, to avoid any romantic talk, even if this is a missionary that you dated at one time.

Letters to missionaries should also avoid talk of them coming home, too much boasting about "all of the fun we're all having", and expressions of missing the missionary . . . even if all of those things are true or seem relevant.

Sister Jo and I just got a letter from the oldest Jo Boy's Mission President.  He is due home in just a few weeks.  The letter reminded us not to talk about how short a time he has left, overly discuss his travel home plans, or inquire about what his plans are when he comes home.  Now, more than ever, we need to be inquiring about the work, encouraging him to work hard, and saving "this is what so-and-so" is up to talk until after he comes home.

It's stunning, and sad, to me how many missionaries are coming home early of late.  Frankly, it seems like it used to be that the only reason a missionary was ever sent home was for worthiness issues (and even then I thought that several were allowed to stay way too long . . . being given a shot to get their act together long after, IMHO, they should have been dismissed).

Now we're seeing missionaries (mostly Elders) come home because:

- they're don't know how to work hard

- they're lack interpersonal communication skills

- they have addictions to technology (scary how common this is becoming)

- they lack goal setting skills

- they lack the ability to live independent of their parents

- they're homesick

- they're love sick

- they're just not committed to the work (a mission is not something you do so that you can avoid Work, School, Big Decisions, Your Parents, or Living Life; one should not think of a mission as "a chance to get out of the house and live somewhere new and have few, if any, responsibilities)

- they never bothered to gain their own testimony or actually study the Gospel

- they give up too easily 

In general, it's as if we as parents (and leaders) have failed to teach these young people about hard work, sacrifice, obedience, and responsibility for one's actions.  We've coddled them, done things for them, and let them coast through their teen years with a cell phone in one hand and a game controller in the other as they've coasted through life on our sofas.

What we needed to be doing was helping them to feel the Spirit, empowering them with the ability to work and work hard for long hours, and helping them to grow their own testimonies instead of going through the motions, doing all things LDS simply because "that's what we do", and not helping them to have a connection to Heavenly Father, Jesus Christ, and the Spirit that is both real and trusted.

(Too much soapbox?)


Sure, some have legitimate health problems or other reasons . . . but that's, frankly, quite rare.

I don't want my children who are missionaries to come home for any reason . . . not even the death of myself or another close family member.  Those sad events are temporal.  The blessings of missionary service are Eternal.


A mission, like Temple Marriage, is not just another box in the "List of Stuff Every Latter-day Saint is Supposed to Do" simply to check off.  We need to remember that "if ye have DESIRE, ye are called to the work".  That level of drive, of Really Wanting to Go and Do and Be of Service is, again IMHO, required to be successful.

Now, young people also need to know that one need not Be Perfect before missionary service OR to get married.  You're called to be the Best Missionary you can be; not to be a carbon copy of someone else, or a facsimile of what you think a missionary is supposed to be.

Marriage is like that, too.

When we start telling ourselves that marriage needs to wait because we need to be X successful, accomplish Y advanced degree, or get Z job or material possession . . . then we're likely to miss outstanding marriage opportunities . . .

Just like we do if we insist that our Future Eternal Companion have X, Y, or Z physical or worldly qualities.

Last night, on the way home from a Church Leadership meeting, I was thinking about how lucky I am that I married someone who supports me in my callings, who encourages me to spend the time I need to for service . . . I wasn't smart enough to be thinking about those things when I was dating . . . or even to realize their importance when I proposed . . . I just got lucky.

Not everyone has a spouse who will support them in doing what the Lord asks them to do . . . but I can tell you that life is much easier, the blessings fuller and more frequent, if that's the type of person we choose to marry.

You don't need to be perfect to be a Great Missionary.  You don't need to be perfect to be a Good Spouse, and you don't need to find someone Perfect to Marry.

Okay.  Enough lecture for today.

Thank you for being good and being a great support to the Lord's missionaries!

Best,

- Bro Jo