What Does a 20-year Old Non-member Need to Know about Serious Single Dating a Mormon Young Woman?

Dear Bro Jo,

I found your site while researching dating in the LDS community.

I am not a member of the Church (My father was Jewish and my mother is Baptist), but for a while now I've been in a relationship with a Mormon girl.

I happen to be 20 years old, and she is 18.

My questions for you are:

First, what is your view on her dating outside the Church?

Second, is there any specific advice you can give me on how to make sure I don't accidentally do something that could compromise her beliefs due to my ignorance?  (That's why I've been trying to do some research actually. And don't get me wrong, morally I feel like we're on the same page. I'm saving myself for marriage, I always respect her and we have boundaries, so I'm not worried about breaking the law of chastity or anything like that, I was just hoping for maybe some tips or advice)

Thank you for taking the time to read this email, I think the blog you do and the questions you answer, and work you do is wonderful for not only teens but all young adults.

So thank you for spending your time sharing wisdom and helping better prepare the future generations.

Sincerely,

T




Dear T,

Thank you for reading "Dear Bro Jo"; I appreciate the kind words.

I tell my own children that there's nothing wrong with dating people of all faiths when they're young (Casual Group Dating), but once they're at the point that they're considering marriage I advise them (as I do all young adults of all faiths) to give strong and serious consideration to marrying within their own faith.

Inter-faith marriages can work (i.e.: your parents), but there can also be lots of challenges and difficulties. 

Marriage is a lot of work to begin with; if two people are coming in with different religious and cultural expectations . . . . well, that can make it so much more difficult.

For example, your girlfriend may have very serious (even if as of yet unmentioned) expectations to being "Sealed for Time and All Eternity" in an LDS Temple; that can only happen if both she and her groom are worthy Later-day Saints.

Depending on how she's been raised, this could be a very big issue for her, one that she's unwilling to forgo.

Regardless of their faiths, I think it's very wise for a couple to save intimate and sacred things for marriage.

I applaud the two of you for your commitments to doing things in the order that God has prescribed.

When you do marry, whether it's to each other or someone else, having maintained those boundaries can make for a much stronger marriage.

As for tips, I think communication is the key.

I'm not certain how far along you are in your relationship (you may want to check out Bro Jo’s LEVELS of a RELATIONSHIP) , but at some point the two of you will need to have some very adult conversations before going forward.

I call that conversation (or series of conversations) Bro Jo’s "LIST of STUFF YOU NEED TO KNOW TO BEFORE YOU GET ENGAGED"  Until you're at that juncture (and somehow I suspect that the timing of your research and email means that you may be thinking you're there now - although I think you're both still a tad young - perhaps in a year or two . . . ) then I'd say just keep dating, having fun, and growing to know each other better.

You're a Good Guy, T. The world needs more guys like you.

- Bro Jo




Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you sir I appreciate that.

- T




Dear T,

Any time.

- Bro Jo