Dear Bro Jo . . . : Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Things to know

Regularly read by 50,000+ readers in over 140 countries around the world, "Dear Bro Jo" is published several times a month.

This is column is just one guy's opinion, and while he does his best to keep what he thinks, says and writes in-line with the Gospel of Jesus Christ, "Dear Bro Jo" is not an LDS Church website. (And Sister Jo thinks you should know that he's sometimes wrong, and often way too opinionated for his own good.)

Nothing here is meant to take the place of talking with parents, leaders, or Church authorities. Please, if you need serious help, talk to a trusted adult, leader, and / or professional counselor.

Please like our Facebook page, and check it often for Discussions, Notes, Events and just General Good Stuff!

Everything here is copyrighted. If you're going to quote any part of anything here, please get Bro Jo's written permission. You can reach him at dearbrojo@gmail.com.

Friday, March 6, 2009

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

Dear Bro Jo,

You give lots of advice on how to get into a relationship, but I need to know how to get out. I hate this part! When you realize it's not right, what can you say to keep from hurting someone's feelings?

I've been dating this girl for about five months. She's really nice and all, but we never said we'd be exclusive. I don't want to be a big jerk, but I met this other girl and we really hit it off, and I want to go out with her. OK, I've actually already asked her out. We're going out tonight. I told the first girl a lie about being busy (which isn't really a lie, because I will be busy, just, you know, on a date with another girl). I know I should tell her, but I don't want her to be mad, and what if the date with this new girl doesn't work out?

What should I do?

- Name and Town Withheld

Dear Dude,

These are the moments we married people are talking about when we say we're so glad we're not single anymore. Good to not be you!

You are right, though, you do need to talk to her (the first girl) and probably her too (the second girl) and the first girl (at least) could very well be hurt and angry. It's going to depend a lot on whether or not she agrees that you two haven't been exclusive.

I'm guessing you're troubled because, well . . . you're a liar. (Don't be offended, I mean it in the best possible way!)

You are seeing girl number one exclusively (Five months? Are you kidding me, here? The time alone indicates you're not casually dating!) and you feel bad because while you're in that relationship you asked out someone else!

Time to Man Up and set Girl Number One free. You're clearly not interested in her or you wouldn't have asked out the second girl - and NO, treating the first girl as your safety net back-up girl does not indicate interest. Go see her right now and confess. If you can't work up the courage to do it before your date with new girl, then cancel the date. If someone sees you with the second girl before you've talked to the first girl and it gets back to her, you're going to be looking at a whole different scale of break up (which you do deserve, by the way - I'm just trying to save your current girlfriend a little pain).

Breaking up is never easy, but it's best to be honest (meaning "be nice" and "take responsibility") and have the conversation as soon as possible. Do it in person if you can, but don't wait.

Good luck.

- Bro Jo

No comments:

Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

(Check out the "Dear Bro Jo" Fan Page on Facebook for more Great Notes!)

Disclaimer

*This website is not affiliated with the Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints, nor does it's author claim to write on behalf of the LDS Church.

for more information on The Church of JESUS CHRIST of Latter-Day Saints go to: http://www.mormon.org/

"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Friday, March 6, 2009

Breaking Up Is Hard to Do

No comments:

LDS Rankings

Join us on Facebook!

Become a "Dear Bro Jo" Fan!

Cast Yout Vote!

More Bro Jo Stuff

___

Discovering Greatness

The Discovering Greatness Playbook