Good Guy Break-up

Dear Bro Jo,

What about break-up advice for Nice Guys? I'm 24 and have been seeing this girl (mutually exclusive) for about six weeks. We met here at BYU when I moved into her Ward this last semester. I think she's great, but I'm just not "in love" with her. My roommate thinks I'm an idiot for wanting to break things off, but I think I'd better hurry and do it before it becomes any more serious (the pressure to get married here is unbelievable!).

I don't want to hurt her feelings . . . what should I say?

- How at the Y


Dear How,

You ARE a good guy! (See, Sisters? There are still some left!)

I feel for you, and you're absolutely right, much better now than later, especially at Get-Married University - the longer you wait, the more everyone around you will think an engagement is pending, and that may include this nice young lady.

Here's what you do: talk, in person. Tell her exactly what you've told me. "I think you're great, but I'm not 'in love' with you. Everyone, including my roommate, thinks I'm an idiot, but I just don't think it's right to tie you to a relationship if I'm not in that place right now."

Don't burn the bridge (lest once you've lost her you realize you've made a huge mistake), take the responsibility upon yourself (don't blame her - EVEN IF SHE ASKS WHAT SHE'S DONE WRONG - you'll never get out of that trap a winner - say "Nothing! You're great! It's all me."), be sincere, and be prepared for her to marry your roommate - you are at the Y after all . . .

If you treat her right, even in the break up, you'll be better off.

And again, you're right, do it now.

Regarding the "marriage pressure" at the Y - I know it exists, there's nothing you or I can do about it. Don't let it get to you, but keep dating. You'll find the right girl soon enough.

- Bro Jo