Why is it not okay for me to date before I turn 16? If dating is all about finding the right "type" of person for me, then why can't I start early? Please help me out!
-Young and Confused
Dear Young,
Would you settle for "Because the Prophets have said so"?
I'm sure you will, but let's kick it around a little. I mean, theoretically, it makes sense doesn't it? It takes time to find a good spouse, why not start earlier?
But then, why not do everything earlier? Baptism, Deacon Ordination, Driving, Mission, Marriage . . .
Heck, my wife's Grandma was married when she was 14! (Does that freak you out as much as it does me?) And the Prophet Joseph received the First Vision at 14, so why not drop the dating age?
Well, remember that Joseph received the Vision, but he had to wait several years before the Lord felt that he was ready to go get the plates. I think the reason the Lord has inspired the "Date at 16" rule is because he knows we need to wait.
Maybe he wants us to enjoy being a kid longer. Maybe he knows that more kids are likely to get too intimately involved if the Dating Age is lower (and less likely to develop important social skills if it's higher). Maybe he figured that if Dating started at, say, 14, then Church Dances would have to start at 12 and those kids Just Aren't Mature Enough . . .
I suppose there could be lots of reasons.
But I'll let you in on a little secret: lots (and I mean TONS) of parents have made excuses for the behavior (and by that I typically mean "inactivity") of their children with the phrase "well, my son/daughter is more mature than his/her peers" (which cracks me up, because not everyone's child could be more mature than everyone else's child - get it?). The point is this: as mature as we think we are, or even other people think we are, we're really not any more mature than anyone else.
Even when we describe a kid as "honestly more mature" don't we usually mean "more worldly"?
Some things really should wait until we're older, and there are different reasons for different people.
Enjoy the age you are now. Have fun! You'll be dating age soon, the time between now and then will go fast, and some day, when you're old and gray, you'll say "Wow! I sure got to this age fast!"
In the interim, you know what you can do? Practice talking to the opposite sex, asking meaningful questions and treating with respect. Practice being cool instead of acting like a dork (not meant to imply that you are) - those are skills that will come in VERY HANDY when you do reach dating age.
2 comments:
Dear Young
I'm and a sixteen year old girl and i say dating is not always as it seems. it is hard and can be heart breaking for both sexes.and if you start earlier you may be tempted to do something you know your not supposed to do. and waiting makes the experience better i thought the way you do at your age i even had to say no to young men. but wait and you will see that it is better
I like this post a lot. I can honestly say that I am very glad I waited until I was 16 to date. Because honestly, dating's fun and all, but as most people know, girls start to "mature" a bit earlier than guys do. Most girls (myself included when I first turned 16) really want a guy to love them, and the girl might say she just "wants a few fun dates", but deep in her mind, she's probably thinking she really wants to have a cute sweet relationship with that guy she's had a crush on since she joined young women's. But I can honestly say from what I've seen with the girls in my ward and the guys, guys really aren't ready for that kind of devotion, and they shouldn't be. They should be preparing for their missions, not caring all about you and making your desire for a guy satisfied. Though casual dating is fun, it's important to remember that having a "crush" on a guy does not necessarily mean that he likes you back as much and in the same way as you like him. Just be careful not to make a fool out of yourself, especially if there's only one ward/branch in your area.
Also, playing off of what anonymous said, dating before you're 16, many will have this feeling (probably, the holy ghost?) telling them they know that what they're doing is wrong, but in these types of situations, satan plays a dirty card and can make you feel the want to be rebelious. Yeah, I'm dating, I'm not 16, so I've already done one bad thing, what's holding hands and kissing this guy gonna make any worse?
Please, just wait. I'm the only laurel in my class who actually waited before I had a date/boyfriend. I'm almost out of young women's now and I've still never had a boyfriend, and that's totaly ok with me. It's difficult to have one in a ward where that's the only ward for 60-70 miles in an direction. But, not having a relationship is also helpful, because I'm able to really focus on my schoolwork and talents, and over all improving myself so that when a dateable guy comes along, I can more easily be my best self and hopefully attract a guy who is trying to live the best he can, too.
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