Dear Bro Jo . . . : Are 19 and 25 too far apart?

Things to know

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Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Are 19 and 25 too far apart?

Dear Bro Jo,

So let’s get straight to my problem.

I’m a nineteen year old girl and I just finished my second semester of school at BYU-I and now I’m off track for the next five months. I have only been home for a week and for some reason my guy friend chose now to tell me that he likes me.

Now I like him too but there are three problems that I can see with this relationship. First, now that we aren’t in school he lives across the country and I don’t know if long distance is a great idea. Next, he just turned 25 and I don’t know if I should be getting in a relationship with a guy that much older then me. Finally, my last relationship was two months ago and I’m not sure if I’m over my last guy yet.

Now once again I would like to say that I do like this guy a lot but I don’t know if I like him enough to deal with the problems that are involved with this relationship. The last thing I want to do is break this guys heart because I really do care about him! So what should I do? Should I pursue the relationship and see what happens or should I end our relationship now while it’s still early and we can concentrate on the people in our own towns and single wards?

Thank you!

- Take a chance?

Dear Chance,

Hey the only way to not break this guy's heart will be either to make him want to date someone else or to marry him. As I've said so many times before, the "friendship" was destined to end one way or the other.

One summer isn't too long to wait for someone, but I think you should go on dates with the guys at home that ask. Keep communicating with your School Guy and don't make any promises or commitments to anyone at home until you've had a chance to go to school and see if there really are sparks between the two of you.

For the record, I don't think 19 and 25 are that far apart, a bit of a stretch, yes, but 20 and 26 are even less of an issue, especially if you care for someone as much as you seem to this guy. Does that make sense?

Stop making excuses.

- Bro Jo

Dear Bro Jo,

Thank you! You are a lot of help!

- Chance

1 comment:

Anonymous said...: I was just married in June and my husband and I are 8 years apart. I'm 19 and he's 27 and you really don't notice the age difference when you really care about each other.; November 10, 2010 at 2:10 PM

Bro Jo's "Dating Rules for Teens"

General
- Date in groups of 2 or more couples minimum, 3 or more couples is recommended
- Pick Up boys first, then girls; drop off girls first, then boys
- Be clean - literally and spiritually
- Plan must be pre-approved by the Parental Committee
- Borrow a Cell Phone from Parental Committee - for emergency use only
- Only date people your Parents have met (a pre-date meeting may be needed - a movie party at your house is a great way to have Mom and Dad meet all of this year's potential dates!)
- Don't flirt with another person's date - you can go out with them next time - focus on the person you're with
- Remember why you're dating: to get to know someone better, to discover what type of person you like to spend time with, and to practice this important social skill
- First Date is with Opposite Sex parent - prove that you're ready
- Keep the conversation going - spend more time asking questions than talking about yourself
- Focus on your companion - DO NOT TEXT YOUR FRIENDS WHILE OUT WITH SOMEONE ELSE - it's rude and, well . . . lame
- No dating the same person twice in a row

Boys
- Home by 11:30pm
- Plan / Pick up / Pay
- Plan communicated to date - no surprises!
- Sisters deserve to go out with decent guys regularly, be one of those guys
- Chivalry isn't dead - show respect by opening doors
- It's scary to call, get over it (practice), it's your job to phone
- Be prepared Boy Scout: make sure the car is clean and has gas, be familiar with where you're going, have enough dough
- Keep dates simple and not too long
- No gifts (keep it casual)
- Meet the parents
- Minimum of one date per month

Girls
- Home by 11pm
- Know what's planned - and pre-communicate that plan to your parents
- Dress Modestly
- Teach your date that you deserve to be respected (make him open doors and insist that he use proper language)
- Don't call boys - make them call you (this is a respect tool)

Exceptions
- Formal Dates (like Prom or a Wedding) can extend the curfew 30 minutes
- Flowers may be an appropriate "gift" for formal occassions

Rules for Parents
- Set the Example (married parents should be dating weekly - if you can, occassionally make that a "Date to the Temple" - if you want your kids to go, they need to see you going - great for married-people dates - Bad Idea for first dates)
- Know your kids' friends, their dates and potential dates
- Communicate Expectations
- Help to Plan Ahead - especially in the beginning
- Discuss the Plan - offer council when asked, but don't take control
- Review the Rules
- Pray
- Don't Spy (if it's your date night too, go somewhere else - and get home before your teen)
- Wait Up - near the door, not in your bedroom
- Debrief - Discuss the date with your teen when they come home, before everyone goes to bed
- Be positive and encouraging
- Don't "arrange" dates for your kids with other parents - if the kids find out it'll be bad

REMEMBER PARENTS - You Water What You Want to Grow! (But too much water and the plant will drown.)

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Disclaimer

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"Dear Bro Jo" is an entertainment column, and should not been used as a substitute for Professional Counseling, nor is it intended to replace conversations with one's Bishop or other Priesthood Authority.

All posts and content are the property of Dave Johnston (c) 2009-2013.

Dear Bro Jo . . .

Things to know

Wednesday, November 10, 2010

Are 19 and 25 too far apart?

1 comment:

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