When Your Boyfriend is About to Put in His Mission Papers . . .

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a 17 year old girl turning 18 in a few months. My boyfriend is 18 and will be turning in his paper's in the spring. We have been dating a year and he was converted (for the right reasons- not for me) 6 months ago. He is a worthy Priesthood holder and will be receiving the Melchizedek Priesthood soon. My question is.... I want to know what I can do during the time before his mission to help prepare him and keep him worthy of a mission. I plan to wait for him, but he knows I will be going off to college and dating while he is away (I made him no promises, just "we will see what happens"). My bishop has been a huge help and support but I need some specific advise on what to do during this critical time. Should I grow an even stronger relationship between us during this time, or slowly separate so it isn't as hard on us when he leaves? Will staying with him distract him more then if I pulled away?

Sincerely,

Wants Whats Best



Dear Best,

I think the thing to do is to be rational.

That and to actually TALK to the boy. "Hey, next spring you're going to turn in your papers, and I think that's wonderful! I'm very proud of you, and I like you a lot. But I don't want to be a distraction, either between now and the time you leave or once you're gone. It's not right for us to make any type of commitment when you're gone, other than to perhaps agree to try to pick up where we left off if I'm still single and you're still interested. I really like spending time with you, but at some point we're going to have to put our relationship off. What do you want to do?"

If he agrees that you'll be a distraction between now and then, and if he thinks you might already be, he'll probably say it's time to slow things down now.

If he asks you to wait for him while he's gone, that's a Big Red "he's selfish" Flag, and you should start cooling things off on your own.

If he wants to keep dating until the date gets closer, I suppose that's fine . . . although ultimately you'll both just be prolonging the inevitable.

Frankly, you've stumbled upon one of the main reasons why I say Casual Group Dating is all you should do between 16 and graduation for girls and between 16 and mission for guys; these . . . "relationships" that teens get into really add complications that need not exist at your age. If you weren't in a relationship, if you were both dating other people, then this would just be a great guy you've dated off and on that you might like to date again when he comes home, if you're available.

As far as what you can do . . . it's a great question! Lot's, actually.

Focus on helping him prepare. Read books like "Jesus the Christ" together and discuss the Gospel and the Savior.

Have fun. Go out, have a good time! Don't act like the world is coming to an end just because he's moving away for a couple years.

Be smart. The Lord needs him, and Satan doesn't want him to go, so cut down on your "alone time"; temptations may get stronger, so avoid them.

- Bro Jo