Laying it on the Line

Dear Bro Jo,

I am a 20 years old YSA and am having "guy problems". There is one specific guy who I have some feelings for, for 10 years. The feelings are mutual but for some reason anytime they come up we both grow apart after awhile and after a few months we become close again but the same thing happens. Also whenever i move on and start dating someone else he gets upset but wants to be my best friend when the other relationship is over. I'm not sure what is going through his mind. Any ideas how to talk to him about it? I don't want to give up on him but I'm not sure. We just seem to click but it's never been official.

Thanks for any advice!

~CK



Dear CK,

Is this guy post-mission?

- Bro Jo


Dear Bro Jo,

He has been back from his mission for almost 2 years.

-CK



Dear CK,

Okay. I think you've got to lay it on the line. The guy is 23, you're 20. If he's only interested in playing the field you need to know so that you can move on. If you're the girl he wants (and I think he does, but he either can't see that himself or won't admit it) then he needs to act, and that's only going to happen if you have the talk that you know you need to have.

I say make him dinner.

(This is not the same as asking him out, by the way.)

Invite him to your place or out for a picnic. Knock yourself out making his favorite foods, wear your favorite outfit, look and smell great.

Ask him to bring dessert.

If he hesitates at the invitation, or quires why, don't give it away, just tell him that you'd like to do this. Then, at the point in the meal when you can't keep it in any longer (let the Spirit guide), you lay it on the line.

"Look, we've known each other for ten years. I'm 20, you're 23. We've both dated other people but we keep coming back to each other. Every time I date someone else you get upset. I have feelings for you and it's obvious that you have feelings for me. I'm not going to wait around forever, and I'm not your consolation prize or emergency backup. If this is going to happen, if you and I are going to try being a couple, it's now or never, and I need to know where you stand."

And then . . .

Shut. Up.

Say nothing.

If it feels like you're going to explode if you don't say more, then prepare for the explosion.

You've got to let him digest the information and respond to what you've said. Let him talk until he's done talking. Just sit there and smile and blink and if you're close enough (and I hope you are) touch his arm.

Yes, it's a huge risk, but so much time has gone by that you've got to know. Don't waste the next five years hoping he gets a clue; he won't.

I know it will be horrific if he says he just doesn't feel the same, but you've got to know. Only then will you be free.

We're all sitting on pins and needles here; tell us how it goes.

- Bro Jo